"I never wanted you to leave"

That gutted feeling when you talk to your mum and she says "I never wanted you to leave, you left because of Tim (my ex) and his family to make them happy" "Well your be back here one day I know you never wanted to stay in America" My heart sank as though I lost all of those years with a best friend. My mum is not perfect and sure she has her moments but I sure wished I could have shared some more with her. My ex lives a few hours from his home me over 3000 miles. I wished so many times I could zap down the phone and just hug my mum. My greatest wish was to go home for my Birthday my mum's and mine are next to each other and I sure would have loved to have seen my friends over there. I do believe I will live in England again just not sure when, wished I did. I hope I get to see my mum and Dad again. They may not be perfect but I love them. My sister moved into her new home today I was sad as I had not seen it, sad that now both my brothers home and hers were now never to be seen again. I loved going there one Christmas and decorating the tree with them it was awesome. All those times lost, how do I ever get back to a place I loved. Some say don't look back but say if your heart is there. I felt my mum's love as she said I never wanted you to leave and I felt my heart break, one day I hope it stops breaking. One day I hope I can help someone else to not allow a person to walk over them, for a person to stay strong to themselves and embrace the person they are. Guess at the end of the day we choose if we will be sucked into believing we are accepted by another person, the longer I am alive the more I see people let us down all the time. I visited a church this weekend I felt like I was in England it was lovely to belong don't we all want that.