Homesick

I have lived in America for about nineteen years now. I came here thinking I would be accepted and loved by my ex in laws but that did not happen. I moved back to England but ended up moving back to America I said God told us to move back a Pastor told us that we should stay. I guess looking back he was right. I thought coming back would make my ex happy and hey I was coming home every two years all was well. But life did not work out that way I never intended to stay in America all my life, I always wanted to move home. After several years living in the USA I wanted to move back but I had stupid expectations wanting to have the same size house and kids in private schools so I did not move. Then I became a single mum and life hit reality my ex could go home when he wanted, me I was now stuck in a country far from home and with no money to go back to England. I guess as I type this if I had used my money that I had not on a lawyer and survival I could have got home but the courts would not have allowed it. I missed going to my brothers funeral, missed being together for Birthdays or any days. A friend helped us get home in 2015 after eight years I sat crying and crying at the airport I wanted to stay, my dad had promised to get us home every two years but when asked that became not a reality. It's a tough reality when your heart wants to go home and your stuck in another country yet no one understands why you are homesick or why you miss home. In reality if I could advise you reader, never let go of the person you are, I gave up all of me for someone and now I am fighting to survive and find me and find my way home. If someone takes you so far away from who you are then they don't really love you nor do they love themselves because otherwise they would love you for you. You are worth being you. I wished I had learnt that because I now have to tell myself that every single day.