Puppet:Notes in my pockets

I recently started to finding healing from my passed. It is interesting to say that truly emotional abuse is very hard to move on from. It is like a puppet if you imagine with it's strings cut and it is falling plummeting to the ground with the very people that you allowed to puppeteer you watching from above, eagerly waiting for you to fall. You're scared, you are trying to catch your breath and you are not sure what life can look like without those ever ending words of failure ringing in your ears. It is as though those words have become your breath, those words have become the blood that flows in your veins and keeps you alive. The problem is that is all a lie, because with all those words,that tore you down, it is as though your very breath to breathe was been taken away from you. Your smile was not good enough, nothing you did was seen as any value. It is easy I think to say move on. I remember my brother before he died he was so stuck, but perhaps in truth he was so empty of love that his heart had lost the capacity to find hope to keep going. If you think of a car and that without petrol it does not run, a person without love finds it hard to function. I was asked recently what word does God think of you "I said Beautiful" but honestly I found it hard to say those words. I have really nice dresses and I encourage people as much as I can. But me I have found that moving on from years and years of words ringing in my ears of how good I wasn't have left me like a puppet flying through the air with my strings cut. I know I am not alone on this road and I am blessed that I have an amazing friend who has known me for years she tells me that all those words are lies. I know in my head that God loves me and I do believe in Him, it is just allowing my heart to feel His true love allowing me to be alright that I was not to blame for all those words and allowing myself to believe in a better future. We all at times in our lives come across people who have allowed others to puppeteer them, I use to not think of how those people felt I to be honest avoided them, they are not a bucket with a hole in them which need so much love indeed they are people that a hug can make them feel safe a hand held tight can feel that tomorrow is going to be alright or a simple smile can say "Girl you are going to be alright" I have been very honest in this post, it is true that God loves us all more than words can ever say and as I close my eyes I picture not the people that have puppeteer-ed my life but Jesus and I sitting in a place I like to call home. I encourage you words do hurt, but words can be conquered find a good friend, find a place in your mind where you can allow God to show his love and I do believe that slowly you will become whole that is my hope for me and for you reading this. Go stand tall without your puppet strings and live for once in your life.