Notes from my pocket: Single mothers on fathers day.

We all want to be loved, from the moment we are born we are forever searching for Love. We grow up in homes that might well give us that love we are seeking or perhaps like me you were brought up in a home where your parents argued 24/7. My parents divorced when I was 15. I was 26 when I got married I thought that by marrying someone who was I thought so more outgoing than me I would find love but the longer I stayed in the longer I found me losing my own identity and all of a sudden my dreams were just lost. Lies upon lies deception upon deception and feeling like everything I had value had to change. 18 years on divorced in another country and two kids. Loneliness hit like so many other single mum's. We question were we not good enough, why couldn't someone love me. Bills come and bills go and this pressure of hearing someone say your not good enough rings through your brain. It amazes me looking back how my own mother is still alive she divorced after 26 years and then her own son pulled her to pieces she has nothing in fact poverty and her walk hand in hand yet the days she is nice she is one of the most amazing women that I know. She has walked streets with only 10 pence in her pocket yet she still keeps going. Me I have tried to sell cupcakes, dog bow ties and written kids stories you name it I have tried. Yet the single mother and her journey is a very lonely journey the weight of bills of playing a double duty parent lays heavy. I am not alone our roads cross in the super market and our journey is of survival. The fathers we wanted for our kids to have may never exists yet we must press on knowing that there is a day that all our tears will not be in vain and that the times we felt so alone perhaps indeed God was carrying us. Fathers Day to me means what I wanted so much to be loved by my dad and my ex is found in someone who does care for me. It is true I wished to God that I could go back to England, buy new glasses and not worry about money, but above all that i wish I could give back to all us single mum's and just some how give them hope. Today 6 years on I place online my wedding dress a day of hope I thought, well perhaps it was i gained two amazing kids and to be honest if I had not gone through all this pain maybe I would not have seen who I was. Go find yourself, you maybe a single mum but you girl are amazing the strength that a single mother has is like a lion defending her cub it is like a wind calming the storm and it is truly like an Angel who may have been bruised in battle yet can still fly and above all a phoenix that flies out of the ashes. Go fly.