Notes in my pocket. Love of mum...harsh reality of divorce...

Notes in my pocket. 2016 here it is in all it's glory. As I head back to my job as a cashier one day a week and 2 days at a preschool and two at college I feel that gutted feeling I felt when I became a single mum. The one thing that hit me in the gutt when I became a single mum was I could no longer be the mum that was at home all the time. I questioned why I had not spent my time wiser with taking classes online and getting some qualification to allow me to work from home, but I was always trying to encourage my then husband to lose weight and assure him that he could do anything. The reality was I was no cheer leader for myself. Since being a single mum I have only started buying things for me and daring to think I could look pretty in clothes in the passed few years. My hair is still pretty much the same and I still wear little make up, but I love been a girly girl for a moment walking in thrift stores or looking online and even stores and feeling like I am alright I can buy something for me. My biggest loss by far has been the fact of not been there as much as I wished I could have been for my girls. I see like an hour glass time slipping by and I am scared I wished I could have done so much more for them. My mum she will be 86 this year she keeps telling me I cannot get another cat it will out live me. My heart sinks she has been my cheer leader and love and hate her I would be lost without her. Since I was 12 I have feared her dying, she is amazing a woman like no other and a woman I so wished with all my heart I could bless. If I had a magic wand I would bless her so much because in my eyes she is amazing. Divorce can tear us mum's in two and it can hit to the very core all that we valued is gone security in money, wondering how to pay the bills and wishing you could be oh so much, the main security in God you often question when life just appears to be overwhelming you and you so hold onto the cheer leaders that God has placed in your life. My mum lost oh so much yet that woman today is an amazing woman who has found the greatest gift to be content when she has nothing. Life is short and I have no idea where mine will end up but to all those amazing single, widow mum's I tell you what we have lost on this earth God has surely seen and I do know that one day all those hurting pages and tears will be no more. In Him I know He will make us Brave even when Brave appears impossible. Go be Brave this year and know that all is not in vain. I love you girls and I love you mum always and forever and oh so much.