Surreal.

Surreal,that time that I feel right now. I have done yard sale after yard sale to raise money to go home, skrimped and saved. My children and I getting up making no money and others some. I have not been back to England for eight years, in that time my sister in law died and my brother as well, I got divorced and I started college. I have lost me and found me in a matter of time. I have seen my children grow up and time fall like sand fall through my hands. I have heard how others have gone home and seen and heard their stories. I am not suppose to be sad or mad but at times I have been. I have not seen my mum for eight years and some friends for over twenty. Yet next week I get on a plane and time starts ticking. I want to stop time I want to let everything go into slow motion I want to bottle every moment in my mind. I don't want it to slip through my hands and for me to be once again over 3000 miles from all of them and feeling at times so alone. I don't want to look at time and not know when I am going home again. I want to hold on tight to have someone love me and care about me and for my surreal moment in time to be forever and never end. It is I am not thankful, it's I am scared of not having this time again and not been able to make it by myself. The worries of money of roofs and not feeling the hug that love from some of the most wonderful people in my life that live so far away. Some would not understand, I say walk a mile in my shoes. So God please hold me tight and allow these moments to last not just a moment in time.