Depression, life and others in the tsunami.

What can one say? I have lived from seeing many people go through depression. My brother took his life from just finding it hard to cope with life. But I never knew the effects that depression had on others until I was in a situation dealing with someone who had depression. I knew depression had affected many people in my brother's life but how it did never hit me in the face until this year. Depression does not just leave a destructive path for the person but others involved. You're not sure how to help that person, in fact, you feel overwhelmed about how to help them. Everyone around you has a theory or answer for how boundaries should be made or how you should cope with that person. It's like living next to a tsunami and at the moment things can change. It's a lonely path for the person and those trying to live through the aftermath. There's help for the person with depression but the others involved are left feeling alone helpless and wondering how to cope and what is next around the corner. As a mum, I have been left wondering what do I do God? I fill my life with trying to have answers saying sorry for the things I had done wrong, from serving more to just sitting in church stone-faced because I did not know how I could make it. I never realized that came with it all. I feel sorry to the ends of the earth that I did not understand more for my brother's kids. I feel helpless to know how to make life better for my own. You walk day by day just hoping for a break. It's a visit to the ER because your daughter is going through things herself with no answers found, it's sitting and wondering when it will all end. It's another call where you feel alone. It's a thousand voices telling you what to do and yet only one you want to hear that it's going to be alright that you can make it. It's such a lie when they say that depression just hits the person depressed it's such a lie because others around are living they are fighting on life support machines from the mess left. It's not a church, it's not a sermon that can help it's crying out to God work it out. It's hearing lies and lies over and over again and telling yourself it's just not true that it's the depression of someone else and that you're good enough to make it through. It's going to places and bills not paid and phones dying and you sit there and you just starring as your money depletes down the drain I can do this I am strong right God, it's telling yourself every single day. It's a battle it's serving time and crying out to God just take all this pain. Make me strong so that I can stand in this bloody rain. Then you get a call another blow and you sit crying to God just one moment God help me make it so I can live and laugh in the rain. You see so much pain and you wonder where has my wand gone it must be broken. There's no prescription for the one's trying to survive from the aftermath, you just take a deep breath and you walk by faith, hiding your own pain you don't have the time to deal with your own feelings you have to survive. While the world tumbles for the person in depression, those loved ones and people around that person have to fight to survive. Their goal to keep their head above the water and to make it to the other side. So many solutions yet no one hearing your pain. Yes it's true depression does not just involve that person it hits to the core others and others are left in the tsunami praying to God to keep them safe. I am not an island I am a mum who just is trying to guide us through this rain. So when you hear of someone depressed remember it does not just affect that one person it affects so many and they are left with the pieces to pick up and keep going no matter how much that rain hits they have to survive.