Captured in time.

My mum has been ill since before New year she fell and broke her hip and has been in hospital since. I feel myself captured in time wanting my mum to be young again, wanting someone to love me and see the good in me. I guess in truth we all do. As family members grow old and some draw further apart I ask the question what did all those years as a child mean? I left home at nineteen, with some regrets but our lives were all such a yoyo and there was little sanity. In my heart I just wanted so much more. As time has gone on I have found myself grasping to find a common ground with my family and to just be accepted. With my mum in hospital I surely have wanted to be the care giver, but it is very hard to be a caregiver 3,000 miles from home and with someone who feels that they do not need anyone. Some say close the door others pray but where is the balance between heart and Heaven? I ask the question how to do you capture in your heart what you have never had or in your mind that it is time to let go? When all you want is to hear that voice I love you or to sense that what you are doing is enough. I am sure many feel this way, if not then this is my alone road to find one day hope. I meet a man yesterday from the Associated Press my mind was captured in time of me wanting to be a journalist as a child, off course I loved fashion designing. My mind pulled into talking and I so wanted to get off work to sit and learn from this man, he had walked a road I had once wanted to go down. Yet I saw faults opinions not reality. Perhaps that is all that is left of my family that I grow up with opinions no reality no firm foundation of caring for another person. My mind captured in time as a five year old wanting a world that did not exist, perhaps it is hard to jump from our time capsule of life into the future because as a child longs for that love so do adults. The search for answers in a world that has already been clouded and looking for the light that will lead us to that home where we can find love and acceptance and peace that is the road I long for that is the road that through it all I hope to one day find. I wish you all the best to find your home your peace and your acceptance and worth because if you find that then we are no longer captured in time but captured in a place all of us can call home.