Notes from my pocket: Release to God and gain your soul..

I have been divorced for six years now I believe wow how time flies. The picture of my family and I on a swingset the day it was finalized are just like yesterday in my mind. A lot has happened in those years and a lot has changed. I have felt at times as though I was continually fighting a battle to survive. Yesterday a friend emailed me saying how she felt God tell her for me to pray to release my ex husband. I replied Ok. Not giving it much thought. Until latter on that day when I thought what release meant. It meant the idea of been married for now had gone. It meant in my mind I was alone it made me think of how alone I had felt a lot of my life. Release meant all the hurt I had felt I had to be given to God, did He really have this under control. Would all the tears I had cried really mean anything if I said that I release this person. In writing back and forth that night to my friend and tears running down my face. I hit reality that it was time for me to move on in my life, time for me to live. She was right I had become what people wanted me to be losing who I was along the way. Who was I now? What did I want to be? Could I really retrace and make dreams come true 33 years on from a dream I had at 16 to be a fashion designer. I found myself believing that in releasing my ex that I could now move on and dream my new dream and that my life could actually be about defining me. I woke up at 3am just saying I release you and on the way to work. Feeling like a person hugging me and the day appeared lighter and that there would be hope once and for all in my life. Even when I got home and stress appeared to abound I felt a peace. Perhaps in truth I was not alone that for once and for all I was been given my own life back and allowed to feel love surround me. It is not that you release that person and they get away with things I think to be honest it is that you release people so that you can live. Freedom to find peace and say God I trust you and here where I am alone hold me, hug me and love me. It is in a small way like nailing all your pain to the cross and saying God here is all my sin and in that moment you are indeed set free. Most of my life has been patterned by not being good enough or how others wanted me to be. When reality I was alright I just decided along the way to believe in lies and hold onto all the hurt. I know one thing is for sure God has great things in store for Me and I walk not alone but into an amazing future. I will dream big, dance in the rain and love the beach houses in Wells next the sea in England. I will dream of one day flying a plane and of one day being a fashion designer and I will also know in my heart I Lisa am Loved. I really encourage you to release people and in doing so you will indeed gain your own heart, soul and mind back. Find your own you you deserve it...because you are amazing, I know I am and I will be amazing.