Life is not all it appears to be !!!

As i turn fifty this year my tolerance for people being rude has surely gone up. The intolerance for how government sectors can often do what they want. That work places make their employees feel small yet smile on their adds that all is well. A few years ago I was put in a situation where my work shifts were put to nothing and behind my back I was being told that this one person would do everything to get me fired. Last year I made a stand against a manager at another store and was accused of saying things in their store that I did not say. I stood being pulled down for over forty minutes being told that I was an employee, regardless if I was not at work, as a customer I was not allowed to complain at all. They never came back with names and never said sorry, I was devastated. I have seen favoritism where people get promoted and are made full time yet do not do full time hours. One young lady was promoted and I swear her job is to make my life hell she shouts at me every time I move away from my station, told me off for saying Merry Christmas and talks about me behind my back. I have got to the point I dread going to work, I dread being shouted at and being made small by a woman years younger than me. It has knocked my confidence and made me feel small in a place where I used to love the customers. I used to say stand up for yourself at this job, but now I just want to move on to find a place where I am treated with respect. Customers are told write a nice comment about your cashier but none of those comments get to us and no one cares all that matters is that money is made and it is just wrong. I was brought up in a world where people said please, thank you and had respect for a person older than them, but that is blown to the wind and if you dare complain then you are the one who is made small. One could say go to a higher authority and complain I did that and was made to feel very small by management. I never was bullied at school, I was quiet, kept to myself, not sure if this is bullying to be honest what is happening to me, but I know I hate it. I do believe that every person has the right to stand up for themselves just not in co-operate America. Customers love me but that has never been enough it does not pay the bills and my confidence has been shot at this job I gave my all to. Now what I pray to God is that a company would hire me, where I can make a difference in others lives or even better that I will get my own business going where I can empower other women to make a difference and I treat them with respect knowing that we all have something to give and something to gain from another person. You never know what truly goes on in life. I lived in a very small village in England my parents argued a lot but no one knew, nor cared. I loved going to my neighbors house and escaping the arguments my fear of walking home in the dark did not appear to matter, to not listen to the arguments outweighed my fear. I never wanted to be a single mum living so far from England and yet here I am trying desperately hard to get home one day. Many think life is a certain way but have you ever just talked to someone just bothered to care about someone other than yourself? You might find they have something to give you and you may offer them hope when they feel their life is oh so alone. It's amazing how much a smile can make someone feel happy or a hug. See in my world you just have to keep believing keep on pressing forward because just maybe tomorrow is the breakthrough that will change your life.

Christmas 2016 A new meaning.

This has been the first Christmas I have spent with just me and my girls. I became a single mum seven years ago. When I got separated I wanted with all my heart for my ex husband to come to his senses and love me and the girls with all his heart. But life did not turn out like the vision I had had of being married years and not getting divorce after eighteen years I became a single mum in a country far from home. I was reminded today of that heart ache as my girls waited to hear from their dad but no phone call came and just a text he was busy as my younger daughter said with his new family. It is true our hearts want so much to be loved that often we chase after love from people who really are incapable of loving us. My girls are amazing and I am not perfect but I see today that in those hopes that it is time to move on. It is in the solitude of tears rolling down my eyes that I sense sadness as if someone died yet hope that I can live as me and not what someone wanted me to be. As I stood yesterday listening to a choir I realized that it is not in perfection and looking good that we find hope but in our imperfection and in seeing that we are enough. See we are blessed to be given children and we are blessed to be given this life and even in death we can see that there is a vision for a new life. So today may have been difficult and awkward but it is time to move on year 7 is sure going to be great. Thanks God.

The word Merry/Happy Christmas is not a bad word.

Many of us work in retail it is a sad day when one is told that one cannot say "Merry Christmas" as it may offend shoppers. Yet those stores carry Christmas items with the words saying "Merry Christmas" on them. The world we live in means that many of us are from all parts of the world so although England does not celebrate July 4th nor do we Thanksgiving I am not taken offense when people wish me a "Happy July 4th" or a "Happy Thanksgiving". Just because the word "Christmas" has now been replaced by many signs saying "Happy Holidays" it should not mean those who wish to say "Merry Christmas" are told that they should not say it. May I remind the retailers that "Christmas" you have marketed into the biggest money making season, so it is alright to take peoples money but not to wish them a "Merry or Happy Christmas" surely that is taking advantage of as the retailers say a "Christian Holiday". Freedom of speech should not be just for a few, the word "Christmas" should be a light to a hurting world and should bring joy to all around. Would it be better to curse at customers no that would be offensive. Yet there are many other holidays for other religions I do not see retailers at least in England and the USA making money of such holidays as Hanukkah. If I was to say "Happy Hanukkah" that too might offend people. So as a Christian why are so many retailers are allowed to make their employees feel small for wishing customers a "Happy, Merry Christmas" Surely if this is the case then these very stores need to stop being hypocrites by selling Christmas items and making money out of a Christian holiday. Christmas is a time of joy and it is a time to allow happiness to spread, a smile a spirit of good cheer and time to reflect a time to remember Jesus Christ. Christmas is not a Happy holiday to many of us who still say "Merry Christmas" it is a saving grace. Be blessed this Christmas.

Patchwork of life

2016 What a year for many of us. This week I had a cyst removed from my head my daughters were amazing. One who hates blood has become my personal nurse and I feel a total sense of gratitude to her. My other daughter has been cooking up a storm. I say often I feel alone but in all of this I see even though my mum, dad and sister care little about me that I have a family. I sat talking to a couple this week, choking tears as I thought why I have hated going to work the loss of being a mum the loss of not being there more for them caught in my tears, I could not believe that they sat there not condemning. My friend Suzanne came to the doctors she pushed the door open as they were removing the cyst held my hand and I realized that this was what family was she cared so much about me that she did not care about others just me. I felt like I was the Queen of England. In her eyes maybe nothing in mine it meant the world. It has been a tough year losing child support and trying to make ends meet. We started up a business selling second hand clothes online the site is amazing thanks to my daughter.Inspiring You Outfits goal is to make others feel inspired to make a difference in others lives. At the end of this year our website will close until we can make it profitable. We decided that from now until January 1, 2017, that we would give $1 for every $10 spent on our website, to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital; and my daughter who makes fleece dog blankets is giving $1 for every $10 purchase, to a local SPCA. We tried our hands at selling British desserts and then crafts on Etsy (3 Brit Chics and Impact by Dapper Chap). My heart from the beginning of this road of single mumness has always been to not be bitter, to encourage others and make a difference. I wrote books on amazon KDP under Lisa K Butler books of encouragement, I posted on a group I called Empowering Exceptional Women on Facebook and made wonderful suggestions on English Delights on Facebook one could say all to little avail and no money coming in. We use to raise money for the homeless all with the view point of making a difference. As I sat talking to my dad, sister and mum throughout this year I see so clearly how bitterness so kills and as I sit hear missing my England it is not that family that I miss more the friends I have in England Sharon and her family, friends from school and the simplicity of home. In all what the passed six years have thrown out me from car troubles to nearly losing this house, to my brothers death to church rejection I can say it has been a weary road. If I look back at the times I walked in cathedrals in England the stain glass reflections hitting the floor I am reminded we are like that stain glass and the patchwork quilt in many homes each waiting a new peace to be added to our lives or the sun to be reflected in our lives to make us better people. I so don't know what tomorrow holds, I know I have traveled along road. I was struck by a picture yesterday of Sophie Simnett from the movie "Mum's List" it reminded me of me in the 1980's although the movie is about a woman dying of cancer. I found myself thinking I just wanted to be my mum's list for her to love me and not condemn me. I was invited recently to join a group on Facebook called Hygge I call the hug group it makes me think of things I love and feel hugged.A simple get well a simple I care all of a sudden chases the gloom away and I feel I am in a family that care. In closing what happens next I have no idea,I hope my long road leads me home, financial security of sorts of not living on the poverty line, and makes me whole I hope me long road leads to make a difference in others lives and see the stain glass glory shine in them. Like a patchwork I hope it gives others hope, some warmth from the cold.

Puppet:Notes in my pockets

I recently started to finding healing from my passed. It is interesting to say that truly emotional abuse is very hard to move on from. It is like a puppet if you imagine with it's strings cut and it is falling plummeting to the ground with the very people that you allowed to puppeteer you watching from above, eagerly waiting for you to fall. You're scared, you are trying to catch your breath and you are not sure what life can look like without those ever ending words of failure ringing in your ears. It is as though those words have become your breath, those words have become the blood that flows in your veins and keeps you alive. The problem is that is all a lie, because with all those words,that tore you down, it is as though your very breath to breathe was been taken away from you. Your smile was not good enough, nothing you did was seen as any value. It is easy I think to say move on. I remember my brother before he died he was so stuck, but perhaps in truth he was so empty of love that his heart had lost the capacity to find hope to keep going. If you think of a car and that without petrol it does not run, a person without love finds it hard to function. I was asked recently what word does God think of you "I said Beautiful" but honestly I found it hard to say those words. I have really nice dresses and I encourage people as much as I can. But me I have found that moving on from years and years of words ringing in my ears of how good I wasn't have left me like a puppet flying through the air with my strings cut. I know I am not alone on this road and I am blessed that I have an amazing friend who has known me for years she tells me that all those words are lies. I know in my head that God loves me and I do believe in Him, it is just allowing my heart to feel His true love allowing me to be alright that I was not to blame for all those words and allowing myself to believe in a better future. We all at times in our lives come across people who have allowed others to puppeteer them, I use to not think of how those people felt I to be honest avoided them, they are not a bucket with a hole in them which need so much love indeed they are people that a hug can make them feel safe a hand held tight can feel that tomorrow is going to be alright or a simple smile can say "Girl you are going to be alright" I have been very honest in this post, it is true that God loves us all more than words can ever say and as I close my eyes I picture not the people that have puppeteer-ed my life but Jesus and I sitting in a place I like to call home. I encourage you words do hurt, but words can be conquered find a good friend, find a place in your mind where you can allow God to show his love and I do believe that slowly you will become whole that is my hope for me and for you reading this. Go stand tall without your puppet strings and live for once in your life.

InspiringYouOutfits: Notes in Your Pockets

Say if you can help people by doing something you love? Well, that is exactly what my family and I are doing! When I was in my teens I so wanted to be a fashion designer: I would draw all the time. But as they say, "Life happened." Going through a divorce made me see that there was a gap in the market for blessing and helping single mothers and students buy affordable outfits at great prices that could inspire them to feel good about themselves. Thus, Inspiring You Outfits was born, a way I could design outfits, and all of a sudden, my life became full circle. I would encourage you to check out the website and view amazing clothes that will Inspire you to do great things! Notes in Your Pocket is a small part of Inspiring You Outfits. At Notes In Your Pockets, we offer that we will do all your social media postings for you: we become your Social Media Manager, freeing up your valuable time. Notes In Your Pockets also offers that if you are having any memorable event, we will contact the guest list with your permission and put together a loving book that has memories and notes from your friends: this can include photos, recipes, childhood drawings, all captured in a memory book just for you! This is truly priceless, and the value of such a memory is priceless. contact us at InspiringYouOutfits@hotmail.com For more information check out: http://www.inspiringyououtfits.com/ https://www.facebook.com/inspiringyououtfits/app/251458316228/?ref=page_internal https://twitter.com/InspiringyouO https://www.pinterest.com/inspiringyouo/ https://www.instagram.com/inspiringyououtfits/

Note in my pocket: Finding my way home.

I have been divorced about six years now, in that time I lost my brother and I have struggled hard to find me. I have worked in a supermarket for six years now, I have been offered other jobs yet still I stay. This year has brought the biggest question what makes me,me? I sit often on this computer looking up photos that remind me of my England and the amazing countryside of Norfolk where I was a child. Those times were not all happy yet some how in my mind I have captured them as pure Heaven. I merrily look up pictures taken in France and long for those content moments of enjoying life. I love watching the Great British Bake off and seeing you tubes of Gordon Ramsay and his daughter Matilda and I am taken back to memories of wonderful pastries in English villages and the smell of my mum's cooking. A painting of colour of strokes going to no where land by Louise Cobbold and looking at material pictures from Liberty's. Seeing pastel colour's of fruits and pin cushions with pins poking up awaiting to make a dress or embroidery threads waiting to be used. A book about the Women's Institute in Norfolk or a book about North Carolina stories from the passed captured in my mind making me remember who I use to be. Seeing sketches of clothes and seeing patterns and thinking what they could be. A smile runs across my face a day of sunlight brakes through the heavy clouds and there I am cycling down village roads and eating blackberries and singing songs in the rain. There I am with hands out catching snow flakes in my hands and eating home made bread with golllops and gollops of butter on it. In those moments I see who I am. In those moments I am free from all that has held me captured and in those moments I catch a glimpse of how God wants me to be. Inside all of us is a person waiting to burst out waiting to fly high like a robin bird flying to it's branch, there we are simply the person who God wants you and me to be. I wish you all days of freedom, days where you find you, days where you can see glimpses of hope and days where that day is just the beginning. A new freedom...where you and I accept it is alright to be you, because you are more than enough for God.