One single Poppy.

I have lived in the United States of America for many years and every time around this year it never ceases to amaze me that not a single poppy is warn not a single poppy is sold. In England poppy's are sold a simple respect for the men who died in conflict. Every year I wore a poppy as a child not thinking twice about it. When I worked in a store here I asked if I could wear my poppy with pride but was denied that right. In recent months I have been reading up about WWI which my Grandfather served in and was gassed in. Why is there so little respect for those who have fought for us. One simple act of respect. In WWI and WWII America and England both lost many people. Young men in a battle field often surrounded by blood and dying friends. Yet we in 2018 we cannot wear or display a single poppy. The displays are amazing in England the time that has taken to show in same small way that we have not forgotten the fallen ones, those lost often at a young age. Has the world become so self obsorbed that it has forgotten who has fought for their freedom. Young men thinking that they were coming home at Christmas served years to keep us safe and no one single poppy does not pay anything for the price they paid, however it does say I will not forgot, it does say Granddad thank you, it says to all those lost that I will wear my poppy remembering you. To those who never returned from those blooded fields, to those who fought to the end I will not forget. My single poppy has a voice and yours can too. Please remember to show respect for all those who have paid the price for your freedom.

The Tree of Life

The Tree of Life

I was planted just a seed and through time I grew With each gentle breeze I pushed out my branches, green leaves appearing My branches ever reaching the sun Through time they have broken, and my direction has changed But still I reach up for the sky and the sun that calls my name Autumns have come and gone, my leaves change colors my aching limbs wanting a time to rest Cold snow captures my body and my limbs I catch the snowflakes and press them close to my chest Others see them on my bark, but they dress me in white in the cold winter nights The dews of morning awaken my very soul, The tingling feeling of the frost at my toes, the earth around me guiding my growth Seasons have come and gone, I have seen sunsets like no other, watched bombs fall from the skies Captured shooting stars and rainbows Lightning bolts across the skies I have seen eclipses and watched the rays of light captured in a moment as it brushes the skies and shades it’s morning light. I have seen children laugh and adults cry, I have seen death and smelt it knock at my door. I am a tree, I am a life As days grow shorter and my days are not so long, I still remember every shade of autumn, every ray of summer, every dress of winter, every delight of spring. I remember the days of plenty and the days of sorrow I am life and life like no other, I am a mother to many a place for a song to be written A heart to be penned and story to be hidden I am where memories have been made and heartaches are shed I am ……. Yes I am the passing of time….I am indeed a mother.

Immortalizing a WWII into something that it was not.

As I looked at pictures of the fun in some of the small towns in North Norfolk celebrating 1940s and listened to a ladies group who sings songs from WWII who was on Britain's Got Talent, I had to reflect on what my mum had said about the war. As we look back at history and see the clothes and family unit of war time Britain, have we forgotten those children who were sent to far off countries and places to get away from the war, many treated badly many although leaving war time England in fact ventured into a new war for their lives miles from home: those evacuees truly missed out on their childhood. Many children like my mum still to this day remember the images of the planes and bombs being dropped, never to be erased from their minds. Yet we dress up and celebrate this time period. Are we as human beings making light of how many families suffered, or are we commemorating the bravery of many? I think it is a hard one to say. Before talking with my mum these passed few days, I used to think it would be fun to dress up and go to one of those events but as I listened last night to a song sung by "The D-Day Darlings" a song sung by Vera Lynn "There'll Be Blue Birds Over," I took to heart each of the words being sung. It is so easy to not listen to the elderly to forget how much they have gone through and easily forget and often make light of many time periods in our history, I think it is good to reflect to and remember that what we make light of today was really very serious. My mum survived but, like many, the scars did too, if anything I think of when I see people celebrating the 1940s I think of all those who served, all those who did not come home, all those who did so much to keep this world safe and in that I am so thankful. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vDFKba_WDE

Hurricane and WWII

As I sat waiting for Hurricane Florence to come near to where I lived I called my mum in England. All my life I have heard stories about WWII my mum grew up in WWII she is now 88 years old. She compared the hurricane to her time in the war and how the uncertainty must have been horrid but as I listened I quickly realized other than the uncertainty there was nothing similar. The people who grew up in that time or any time of war did not know for one minute what the next second would hold. No cell phones, television nothing just waiting to hear news on a radio. The innocence of childhood gone and taken. My mum recalled going to a field to collect walnuts from a tree and looking up at the sky in all innocence thinking that they were planes that were safe, but machine guns fired on that field. These people firing at an innocent child and her mum, my mum and my Nan laid in the field until they had gone. She talked how her mum, dad and herself knitted socks, gloves and scarfs and gave books to the gunnery people that she passed on her walk to the train station on the way to school. How they had no inside toilets, how windows were blacked out. She said " I don't want to remember but the memories just keep flooding back". This innocent person, her life changed forever not just in a hurricane but because of a war that she knew not when the end would be. My mum has fought many wars in her life and is indeed the bravest person I have ever known. I wished to God I could hug her. We all live our battles it maybe in our minds, maybe scared of a hurricane, but we often forget those who have gone through so much and are often forgotten. As a child I did not want to hear more about the war but as an adult all I wished I could do was to take all those fears away that she had and give her back a childhood I am sure she wished she had. You know as I listen to her she talks with love for all those people some never came home. I can thank Hurricane Florence for showing me to love more, listen more and just to be so thankful that my mum got to live through it all. I often forget to listen, to truly be attentive to someone talking to me. I think we all can learn from what my Mum said. She added "Laugh at life and life will laugh at you, go be happy always"

Caring for each others.

We live in a world where computers rule and people asking if you are alright matter little. I use to work in customer service, indeed I have since I was fifteen I loved working in my mum's tea rooms, the smell of bread that was sold in the front end of the tea rooms was bliss to me. My brother had a shop which sold mugs and all sorts of things I loved Christmas and he won the Christmas display in our small sea side town of Cromer in North Norfolk. When I was a child most people knew your name. We walked every where up and down the hills of West Runton, God we must have been fit and to this day I love the memories. This lady owned a small store in West Runton it sold meat and groceries I called her "The Thank you, thank you, Very Much Lady" as after each item was placed on the counter that is what she said. Stanton is a small village in England I love it there, people talk to you like you have never left. So where has that all gone? When I worked in customer service I took the time to hold people's hands when they cried, to listened to their stories and was present in the little time I had with them. From placing groceries a certain way to asking about their children or how they were feeling, to me it was away of serving, away of making sure for that one moment that person felt loved. I would often say " You look beautiful or hello handsome" if my words brought joy just for a moment then indeed I was blessed. To me many of us are seeking to belong to have people care about us no matter what the age. Have we all moved so far away from caring that we are just robots in a materialistic world. To be blunt I think often companies just care about how much money they make, but in reality consumers often come back if they know that they are cared for.It is really the same with employees if you sit and listen to an employee and help them to do well really the reward is more then just a pat on the back it is seeing someone do well and wishing them the best. I think we almost have to untrain our minds and go back to what was told to us when we were young. "Treat others how you would want to be treated yourself" Now that is a thought to end with.

Good night Dad

It's been an interesting year so far. As I sit here I am reminded that today is Fathers Day many of us have had a hard time with their dad's what can I say.A few years ago I felt blessed to reconnect with my Dad then life changed this past Christmas and all of sudden what I thought was a blessing became a very empty hole in my heart. Perhaps when all is said and done God will have saved my heart from being hurt any more but say you wonder what it would be like to have someone really care. I think of a Dad protecting wanting the very best for his children and even in my fifties I see how much I have wanted that. Perhaps years do not make our hearts heal, in truth I think it makes our hearts more aware that if you dare to risk and care you may indeed get hurt. Instead of joy I have ended up with tears and that is not how the story was suppose to end up. I sat in my closet today in tears. Perhaps being a dad that cares is to much to ask, perhaps to many of us it is just a dream. In truth I have had the hardest time thinking that God cares for me because of my Dad. Perhaps it is time for me and maybe many to say Good night Dad and start on another chapter a new book so speak. I wish you all the best on your new book and I hope for us that our book has a happy ending.

North Norfolk England

I lived a good part of my childhood in North Norfolk England. My sister would not move back there at all and I am not sure if she liked it when we were kids. Me on the other loved it. I remember going on the bus at night in Norwich and going window shopping.I still see those light and that feeling of being on a double deecker bus. But the thing I loved was when we moved to North Norfolk. I lived in a farmhouse when we first moved there and although my family life was interesting I loved the countryside. So when we moved to Aylmerton and I spent a lot of time with my neighbor a spinster it changed me forever. I learned to love drawing, and made things with clay, rode my bike everywhere and learnt to love the countryside. My neighbor made jams and grew her own vegetables it was wonderful. She took me on adventures all over North Norfolk I loved it all and in truth i probably did not know how much I loved it until I left. My parents divorced there and we all moved on. I remember so well my mum owned a tearooms in Holt called the Owl she was brilliant at it and looked amazing her smile brightened up the darkest day. Those rolling hills and miles of nothing time captured, steam trains and poppy fields. Sands and sea, life boats and sausage rolls. Time stands still in North Norfolk. I moved far away from there until I went back a few years ago, seeing it all reminded me of who I was, what I loved and what was important to me. Really deep down I am just this country girl who wanted to make a difference in this world. I had changed but North Norfolk had not. When I see pictures of the places in Norfolk of the green lands, rolling waves, fishermen boats and muddy wooded walks I am reminded why in my heart I still call this place home. It's not that it has fancy houses or fancy shops,indeed fancy is found in the serenity of open fields of time standing almost still of roads to small for much to pass and a place people know your name.It's where days glide into nights like a passing ship. Where the swaying of a cornfield tells you the time of year. Where walking down a muddy path and hearing the sound of birds allows one to remember that life can stand still. It is watching the waves and walking along a beach and remembering those walks you had as a child and then seeing that life really has not changed much. It is listening to your heart as the wind calls your name it is seeing the price and value of simple things and that this place you once called home really is tugging at your heart to be a part of it again. As I type this over three thousand miles from North Norfolk I am reminded God does not lay things on our hearts for nothing. I one day will find my own way home again to my North Norfolk maybe a little older in body but and maybe just a little more appreciative of this part of the world that has captured my heart and calls me home.

Family

“Family” the word conjures up many feelings some think of a family who laugh together, care and are always there, others a mixture of disappointment and despair. Webster dictionary describes it as "families. 1 : a social group made up of parents and their children. 2 : a group of people who come from the same ancestor. You resemble your mother's side of the family." But what that word becomes to mean to us is left for those we associate that word with. Many have fallen into the trap of loving and giving so much to a family that continually lies to them, and continually pulls them down thinking things will change. Others have been very fortunate and have a family that have supported and loved them no matter what, wanting the very best for them, to see them fly and be the support that each of them need. One has to ask how do then the people who have not had that support learn to live? Maybe there is not an easy answer maybe there is no solution? We look to others searching to belong, searching for that family that is honest and loving often to feel that we have let down the ones who have rejected us and cared little for us along the way. Is there an answer for those held captive by the lies and uncertainty of an unhealthy family? One can say family comes in all shapes and sizes in the world we live in. But at the end of the day we all came from that one family that has instilled in us foundations of who we are. How do we then move on from often the realm of insanity? Do we forget and walk away from them? Do we seek out others to feel that void? By turning your back there is a sense of guilt, but how then do you learn to live again in a world where indeed you have worth and people can accept you for who you are without always lying to you and continually saying you are not good enough. I think it is like a child learning to walk one step, one day at a time. If you have ever run a marathon it was not ran in one day so to speak indeed it was really achieved over many days. So it is with moving on from an unhealthy family. I suggest that the first point is you see that you are worth something to God and others and that is not easy. One good friend is all you need, that one good friend that will keep on telling you that you have worth even if they say it for the rest of your life that one good friend will eventually impact and change your world. If you have not got one good friend then get the lipstick out or sticky notes and write notes and notes to say what you are in Christ and what you truly are. Second take a note of what is the truth and what is a lie often taking a step back allows us to see what is really true. Do not double think this, I often have a reason why my family treats me so badly, double guessing allows them control and you to be defeated. Thirdly and I am not very good at this stop the calls, see if they reach out to you, if not stop the calls, limit them. Take moments to live and breathe in the good air and exhale the bad. If you can find a good counselor then that is great however if not you cannot do this alone, it is years of insanity and years of walking alone and we are not meant to do that, so find a safe person to tell you the truth and that you have much worth. I am not perfect and there is no perfect family but one thing I do know for sure I am not what the lies have said I am. In a child’s eyes we just want to be loved not any different than a ninety-year-old person. But in living we have to understand that all those lies will destroy who we can become. Tears can be healing not defeat. A mirror does not have to be a place to look at in shame, telling others who you can trust can lead to healing, praying can lead to hope and you at the end of the day can learn that a family is out there who loves you for you, it might not be the way you thought but it will can lead to you living with hope. I should know I walk this road every day. I was told I was lucky to be fed and clothed and go to a private school, I never realized that food and clothes had to be asked for as a child and I never asked to go to a private school. The other day I was reminded by my friend we love each other for who we are and accept each other wanting the best that is family and that is love. So, I wish you all the best in moving on and finding your new hope because I believe that we can all move on from the lies and learn that we are good enough and that we do have worth because every day we have a chance to change to change that lie. So let’s start doing that and start living. Because today is a new day that I do know and that I do promise. You have much worth,so lets starting believing that one day at a time.

Captured in time.

My mum has been ill since before New year she fell and broke her hip and has been in hospital since. I feel myself captured in time wanting my mum to be young again, wanting someone to love me and see the good in me. I guess in truth we all do. As family members grow old and some draw further apart I ask the question what did all those years as a child mean? I left home at nineteen, with some regrets but our lives were all such a yoyo and there was little sanity. In my heart I just wanted so much more. As time has gone on I have found myself grasping to find a common ground with my family and to just be accepted. With my mum in hospital I surely have wanted to be the care giver, but it is very hard to be a caregiver 3,000 miles from home and with someone who feels that they do not need anyone. Some say close the door others pray but where is the balance between heart and Heaven? I ask the question how to do you capture in your heart what you have never had or in your mind that it is time to let go? When all you want is to hear that voice I love you or to sense that what you are doing is enough. I am sure many feel this way, if not then this is my alone road to find one day hope. I meet a man yesterday from the Associated Press my mind was captured in time of me wanting to be a journalist as a child, off course I loved fashion designing. My mind pulled into talking and I so wanted to get off work to sit and learn from this man, he had walked a road I had once wanted to go down. Yet I saw faults opinions not reality. Perhaps that is all that is left of my family that I grow up with opinions no reality no firm foundation of caring for another person. My mind captured in time as a five year old wanting a world that did not exist, perhaps it is hard to jump from our time capsule of life into the future because as a child longs for that love so do adults. The search for answers in a world that has already been clouded and looking for the light that will lead us to that home where we can find love and acceptance and peace that is the road I long for that is the road that through it all I hope to one day find. I wish you all the best to find your home your peace and your acceptance and worth because if you find that then we are no longer captured in time but captured in a place all of us can call home.