That moment when you say what now God.

When my brother died I felt so much dear God now what and when I got divorced. Through it all some how I have kept going. Today I was told that my hours of looking after a dear lady will be going down to very minimal and I found myself trying to be positive but asking now what God. I will have to say it was not having to count the pennies for every transaction and nice to care for someone and to laugh with them. In my heart I felt I could not give to my own parents but in someway and another I could give to this woman. Now my world was about to change and little old me is scared and feeling alone yet feeling God you must have a plan for me. It is not my strength but His.

Life is like sand trickling through your hands.

A friend of mine posted this song on facebook https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4f0p5KqdU9U&sns=fb I will have to say I now love it as much as "This house that built me" by Miranda Lambert. Somehow they draw me back to my past. I love it when my parents talk to me: "Is that Lisa?" my mum says and her voice takes me back to being a child. But even more so my Dad when he says, "Is that My Little Lee?" and my heart melts and all of a sudden I am five holding onto a doll at Christmas or walking down the street in Aylmerton on New Year's Day and walking in the snow as a teen and all of a sudden all those arguments my parents had disappear and all I remember is the good times and I just wished I could give my parents more time. I see my mum and Dad now and I so wished I could give back time. Where did life go in a moment all those days I worried that my parents would get old when I lived in Norwich all those nights I prayed that they would never die. Now I am 3000 miles away holding to every moment every memory I can make with them. Praying to God I get another chance to see them. Even with my own kids I wonder where did life go..and wow I am how old. I wished life was not like sands going through my hand. I am now buttoning my parent's coats and wondering if they are warm and if they are alright when only yesterday they would make sure my cape for school was done up right and jump me up and down to pull on tights. It is just like this year it was suppose to be that visiting England lasted forever and now only God knows when I will be back. Where did time go from wishing upon stars as a little girl to wishing on stars 3000 miles away that your own kids will never grow up and that couldn't you have more days with your parents. My mum always says, "You're not getting rid of me yet" and chuckles about life. My Dad is like a young man forever walking miles and me perhaps I am the old timer who just wishes time stood still. From seeing Scott my brother make model train sets to riding bikes to walking home from Miss Middleton's, time somehow has slipped by. From being married to being divorced to sitting on a front porch with my ex laughing like old timers as we handed out candy on Halloween, where did life go? Was it not only yesterday that I rode my bike and would not dare to ride out with at least one trainer on or I saw my own kids try to ride their bikes and then dear God drive a car. Where did time go? If I had one thing to tell you, cherish as many moments as you can because life is so short.

Wished life was different.

Since coming back to the States I sure miss England seeing all the wonderful places and my family. I never realized how much I missed them. I just ignored it every time I felt homesick. I don't know about you sometimes it feels like you try and try. Since being a single mum I have tried selling British food, dog bow ties, dog biscuits, my stories online, cleaning and even educational supplies that I designed all to little avail. Sometimes it feels like you are banging your head against a wall. This last few weeks I have had issue after issue with my car and my daughter's car. The carpet cleaner died and that is so not good with a puppy. On the flip side I am still standing. My sister even emailed me saying she wanted no more to do with me. It is times like this I wished hugs grew on trees. It may sound silly but I get enjoyment from looking at the Christmas cook books. This sense of wanting to go home and no idea how I can ever afford to do it or how do I find the energy to keep on pushing forward. I so wished I could just magically make something work. On the flip side a tree fell down and did not destroy my neighbor's fence and hey we got great deals at REI for Christmas. What to say when you wish life was different a Pastor said ages ago, "If you are going to do something, do it well." So my advice is find someone to encourage you to keep pushing forward because if you don't you will never get to see what might have happened and just maybe what might have happened is closer than you think.

Prince George book.

http://www.amazon.com/Lisa-K.-Butler/e/B00DXOCI3M Amazing books even one about a little girl who is born on the same day as Prince George. Inspiring books for all ages. Don't miss out. Read and write a review. This woman encouraged her children and others even through many trials.

Be that Change to Change the world

Well blog where to begin I don't know who reads my blogs I use to really care then a woman said I should be looking for a job and not writing on here there was some truth in what she said. But if writing brings a smile on my face then what harm does it do, so every now and again I start to write in the hope it helps someone out there. Lots to say in my world. It appears so easy to send your child to college you think they will never grow up and inside as the years go by you convince yourself that time will stand still and that some how you and they will escape the fact that they have to grow up. Some stay home and commute to college and yet your heart still aches every time they walk out the door walk on that campus, it is as if you have no control you pray with all you have that minutes, seconds and hours will go oh so fast and that nothing will happen that would be bad and then you sigh a sigh of relieve when you hear their voice. This is the aching heart of a mother who wishes time stood still. Even though you know and you believe that God has a plan for them there is this sense this yearning that couldn't I have been given more time and then this other voice it's time to let them fly and time for them to grow. I have seen old people in homes, left there, the money making business of making money out of these old people. Sad as you walk down the corridors realizing that their money is been zapped up by an industry and does anyone really care who visits them. Yet once they danced and fell in love, once had family and yet now many are all alone. Then there are the single parents left in a world like outcasts, trying to find their feet and move on. Society kicks them to the side as if they have nothing no medical, no care you work it out you work the hours your problem not ours. Yet they struggle and keep on carrying on no matter what and yet the question arises does anyone really care.They say prayers for people at work not wanting the praise, yet it is the people loud voice and with little care who get promoted. It is in those moments that one sees that God must cry a tear. Dishonesty the nature of the Beast who truly is honest who truly cares? You try to get help some repairs and people abuse that trust you gave them. It is a sad fact that people are more out to make money than care about being honest. Yet there are some out there. I have been blessed with an extremely honest friend. You just have to be careful be on your guard it is a sad fact that dishonesty reigns in a world where priorities are turned all upside down and one just has to truly say a prayer God guide me every single day. A single mum writes a story about Prince George coming into the world yet she is not famous and gets no credit and yet another woman writes a story who is more known writes a story about Prince George's dog and it is advertised on the television. It is a slightly upside down world.https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=FHxQBAAAQBAJ&source=productsearch&utm_source=HA_Desktop_US&utm_medium=SEM&utm_campaign=PLA&pcampaignid=MKTAD0930BO1&gl=US&gclid=CLi8q_D4_ccCFUdnNwodd7QMDw&gclsrc=ds The single mum should get just as much credit her story funny and connecting with others and written in a time she wanted to bring a little bit of joy to her children's lives. Sad fact it is all in who you know. http://www.amazon.com/Kate-Wills-Baby-Boy-ME-ebook/dp/B00E401VMS/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8 Lastly joy in the middle of tears. Some say that miracles don't happen in today but when you see young people reaching out raising money to feed the homeless and giving money to a single mum to get a dryer then you know that grace abounds and that God in His grace still can be found. It is those moments those people that we must cling onto knowing that our future our world has a chance to be changed. So go be that person be the change because only you can change it and only you can take that one step to make a difference.

Balloons to Heaven

Ever lost someone that was really close to you. The longer you live and the older one gets it appears that we lose a loved one or friend a long the way. Every year I let go of a balloon for my brother on his Birthday and on the day he died in fact one year I let go off many balloons it was how old he would have been. This morning when I woke I had this wonderful story in my head that I would love to share and just some how I hope it will bless you as well as it did me. I walked around a grocery store today people looking at me as I went down the aisles, I was holding one blue balloon and I merrily said to the lady I was with my balloon has a destiny it has a destination. It is Heaven bound. I smiled as I left the store and let go off my balloon, The day I died I reached Heaven's door and as the door was opened there was my brother with a room full of balloons, he smiled his old familiar smile that I had remembered as a child. Welcome Home Lee each balloon in this room are the ones that you sent to Heaven. You see as soon as they reached Heaven's door I grabbed them and kept them here waiting for the day you came home. Now the balloons can be set free into eternity. I knew how much you loved me, how you missed me so I wanted you to have the best welcome home so here it is Lee all your balloons came home to me. My prayer for you all as you read this,is don't think any tradition is silly that you do for a loved one that has gone on before you perhaps it is writing in a diary, planting a flower or letting off fireworks whatever it is I beat when you get to Heaven there have all of those things there waiting to welcome you Home. So go on keep believing because Heaven really has so many blessing to be hold. Let go off one balloon and wait and see one day you will see it again with the very person that you loved and God brought home.

Lost family

Life is very short and so often we miss out on opportunities. Many of us have come from divorced homes, we saw the good, bad and ugly within our very walls. Some memories want to make us scream and others do a dance in the rain. I will have to say I have in my life remembered the good, bad and ugly of my childhood. I was given the chance though to change my future by moving on from my past and I choose to come to peace with my past and move on. I remember the good times much more than the bad times now. It is not that I have closed them off from my life I know that they lived but now they don't rule me. Not all of us have the courage to do that. We come across people from our past and the longer we are with them the more they make us see parts of ourselves we don't want to deal with. The sad reality about that is as long as you are living in the past it will rule you whether you like it or not. Sorry, I forgive you goes along way. A new page to write a new beginning. There is no good standing at a grave side wishing you had, now let's be honest we often do but if you have the opportunity to make memories that make the past not so bad then go for it. Fear only can hurt you as long as you allow it. There is hope when you face your past and move on. You become free no more chains from days that that just pulled you down. Sadly to say the Lost Family of what could have been a new beginning, often never gets to reconnect and live. It is the lost family found at a grave side. Family members reconnected by a moment but not willing to let go. What could have happened if only they had done so.... The choice is up to all of us... Make families count and let go and move on .... the page is waiting for a new story...lets write a good one.