God's Plan

I was fortunate enough this past week to go by a stables near where I live. As my daughter and I approached the stables there was a sign on the entrance "God's Way" as clear as day. I was surprised and my heart rejoiced that someone would be so bold enough to put this on their property. I had the wonderful chance to be interviewed by the woman who owns this stables. "Whispering Hope Stables" in Raleigh is a wonderful place. It is one where you feel the peace and presence of God as soon as you drive up to it. This wonderful property is not just a business but gives back to the community, growing food to feed the homeless. This woman Amy Peters who owns the stables, truly has embraced what God's plan is by allowing God to be present in her work and giving back to others. It is not in thinking of just ourselves but allowing God to use our businesses our talents in our lives to glorify Christ in everything we do. Many times in life we wonder what is God's plan I know I do. As a single mum I am constantly wondering what should I do next God? How will I make it through this year, will I get to go Home to England ever again and the list goes on and on. But God always provides always sees my Big heart and has never let me down. Even in my brother's death, God was gracious enough to bring amazing miracles through it. My daughter Katie each year collects money and food for "Garner Area Ministries" and each year my family collects warm clothes for "The Salvation Army." It is in these acts of thinking of others rather than ourselves that we see God's true plan. I am just a cashier in a grocery store and yet I have prayed for people, held their hands when they have cried and seen God move in so many peoples' lives. God's plan may be very different than our own plan but it is in Trusting in Him and knowing He has the best for us. I know it is hard truly I have sat crying my eyes out and yet there is this peace that if we take steps of faith that God will do great things. So look beyond what we so often see in the mirror and see that God has great plans for you. I truly believe that. The best is yet to come.

Happy Fathers Day.

Throughout the years of my life I have pondered what Dad really means at times I would be reminded of my own dad and how I remembered him as a child. He never had much time for us always busy, always working I am sure at times he must have been quite lonely. As an adult I would look back remembering the good times, walks in woods every New Years Day I so hear his voice as we would walk through the snow "God has wiped and made the world clean" or sure something similar to that.It appeared in our walking and running through woods there indeed was an escape from reality. He and my brother would play badminton every summer, it was just like Wimbledon but better as we watched them diligently playing.I remember as a child standing on his feet dancing and singing songs with him happy memories that feel my heart with a smile. As an adult I would long for a person to feel the emptiness inside of not having a Dad around. I was reminded by someone recently what a dad really is he is the man that opens up car doors for you a true gentlemen, that wants to hold your hand on walks that walks on the outside to protect you, who listens and cares, who when tears fall down your eyes hugs you and cares. The one that remembers nick names of the past and loves you just the way you are.Integrity, loyalty and love go hand in hand. Wisdom abounds and the love to want to learn more and be a part of your life.It is in that person knowing the true value of life and family and seeing in your eyes the child you once were and loving the person you are now. It is in a true Dad's heart that you always know you are loved, cared for and always have a friend to listen and a home to go home too. I never knew what that truly meant until recently. See without that often we feel empty. Fathers day is a blessing to some it maybe lonely but I say dig deep find the good and in that God can do miracles I truly know. Happy Fathers Day

Perserverance/Integrity

When storms arise it is so easy to collapse and just give up. I guess it is my British heritage that says keep on going. Many times during my divorce and loss of my brother the first thought that came to my mind was get on a plane and go home, however no money to do that and no where to live and no job over there. However I have known people who instantly run from issues and create issues for others creating massive battlefields left for others to find out where the bombs have been buried. These people are generally people with one thing in mind themselves and no one else, it is often disguised with not being honest. But what is integrity without honesty what is saying your something and doing something else? As a Christian woman I have tried my hardest to be answerable and honest to others. If I do not do this then my integrity is nothing and I am nothing but a wolf in sheep's clothing deceiving not just myself but others around me. Life should not be what we can get out of it for ourselves but it should be how can we help and bless others in doing that we show the world that we are different we choose to be genuine, open to our mistakes. Perseverance is when you want to run you stand when the storms of life are hitting you and you want to give up but you keep on going. Integrity is knowing when you stand before God you have done your very best, no lies, no deceit just an open heart to say you are not perfect but that you have run the race well and with faith and trust that God has been by your side all of the way. Life is not running from the flames and storms it is facing them and making it through that allows us to stand stronger and knowing that God is more than able, more than capable and that we are not alone. What person are you going to be? a person who runs or a person who stands and allows God to do amazing things and you can say I am a person of integrity or will you be a person like many who says one thing yet does another?

At the end of the day God will judge and I certainly want to be one that God says to me you indeed had integrity. Because Integrity is worth fighting for.

Estate Angel

Have you ever felt like you were walking where an Angel was? I have a few times in my life. Yesterday I went to an Estate sale near my house. I had read about it through an email and gathered my two girls up. We drove the forty minutes to it. I guess I thought it was going to be like a yard sale. But as we approached the house, this wonderful lady approached us smiling face, showing someone around the house. I realized it was the owner- the woman who had just lost her husband. As she walked past, there was this feeling I wanted to be around her, I wanted to talk to her. There was a wonderful spirit in this woman I had never met in my life. As I walked through and past everyone, I felt the mere presence of peace and God. Each room had a peace and there was a sense of a loving marriage. We went up the stairs and there was oh so many wonderful clothes, coats, gloves and shoes. I imagined her dancing at wonderful balls in the amazing long coats. I imagined her husband caringly buying her them. Each outfit appeared to be loved and cared for. It was as if she had flown through each room praying that each item would find a good home. Her life imparted to a new life. I returned on Sunday with a letter in my hand and there she stood. I awaited to talk to her. The Angel of the house- the woman who had God so in her heart that it shone. I handed her my letter and asked if I could pray. As I left I saw the Angel again- this woman I had never met, I may never know her name. Her smile, her heart shinning out of the love that God had given her. Her eyes may have shown sadness of the loss of her wonderful husband but her heart shone with a love that was from Heaven. I may never meet this Angel again, until I go to Heaven. But one thing I know, she is going to make a difference and she I want to be like- the wonderful woman with a home for all and a heart of gold for God: the woman who sprinkles love even in the darkest days and the woman who is an Angel. Thank you God for allowing me to meet your Angel this weekend. May we shine our light as this Angel does so that even in the darkest days others can see Heaven.

Prom

Prom, a daunting word to many this congers up fear and anxiety. Prom that thought of how much a dress costs, who will ask me and does anyone really notice me. I never went to Prom they did not do it back in the day when I was at school in England. Not even a disco party was held at my school. Do I feel I missed out probably not. I would have been the wall flower not knowing how to dance or though back then I took ballroom lessons and I would have felt intimidated by others. Perhaps not much has changed in honesty. Prom, a lot of money spent on one day. But what can we learn from that one day. Many can buy dresses at second-hand places and make them look like designer dresses or buy one at a store on sale. My own daughter and her friend brought theirs with their own money and had their hair and make up done by their sisters. Some walk in with thousand dollar dresses, yes I said thousand. But my daughter and her friend they shone exemplifying that even in hardship for one night they could shine be a Princess and not worry about life. It is for many a young person a time to dance to laugh and be young, not allowing life to pull you down, for just a few moments you are pulled into a world of laughter and feeling like you can conquer the world. This was my daughters last prom I wished to God I could have brought the Cinderella dress she wanted, but regardless of what mum wanted she looked amazing she was my Cinderella and I her chauffeur. It is all a matter of our heart truly a Prom does not define you but it is who you choose you are and embracing the moment when just for one moment life has stopped and you can dance until there is no tomorrow. My daughter did not go with a date nor her friend. They saw a young lady who wore a dress her grandmother wore to prom and her mother and now her, the dress might not have looked great but instead of people pulling that young lady down i was told how her friends encouraged her. Isn't that what life is about being a support to each other and wanting the best for them even at Prom. I may hate driving at night but I would drive every night if it was to hear my daughter so happy and smiling so much. I picked them up at 10.30 pm but they were amazing been so polite not rude that mum was there at 10.30pm. I learnt last night that fear sometimes can overwhelm you that you can be frozen and so I am glad I drove in the dark to pick up two amazing young ladies it taught me I can do it and I would do it all again for them. Prom is just one moment in time and you can either let yourself shine and be blessed or let it pull you down. We all look back with regrets but don't let Prom be one of them. Let it be the start of an amazing time in your life where you start to shine and allow the whole world to see that. I know if I had my chance I would go to Prom and I would dance like there is no tomorrow. So Shine and let the world be amazed you are going to do great things I already know.

Where is my magic wand

As the days tick by since my girls dad left for San Fran my heart is sure heavy and I find myself asking where is my magic wand. I so wished for the many friends I know who are going through tough times that I had a magic wand. I find myself literally aching inside and yearning wishing I could change the horrible reality that I and my friends face. We all still having to go on, pressing forward trying to keep our homes, find jobs and be brave for our families. My amazing friend in Ohio who is British yesterday when I said I want my wand I want a wand to change all this mess her reply "we're going to build you a wand" it might not have meant anything to her but to me it meant the world. My heart is broken, heavy and I feel exhausted but her faith in the fact of making a new life for me gave me hope. Maybe I just have a tiny stick in my hand right now but if I take some baby steps and have faith I can build my wand to change not my life but others around and then my heart will not be so heavy. So find a person who can encourage you and help you believe you can build your wand. I am more than blessed that my friend Diane through thick and thin see

s the best in me I will never forget the day my brother died and how she listened for hours as I sobbed and how she just made me feel so not alone. The comradeship of being friends, from England, divorced and often feeling alone allows us to hold each other up and laugh together and know that we will always be there for each other. So hold onto that stick because one day it will be a wand that will change the world you see..

Brooken

As the world celebrates Kate and Will's second child. It is so easy for many divorced or separated couples to forget those wonderful moments when they too were once happy. I remember the birth of both of my children like it was yesterday. Moments captured in my heart like a time capsule. However I cannot tell you who filed to be separated but I can tell you the moment I received divorce papers the gutted feeling I felt the shattered dream moment that pierced my heart. I also remember clearly when my brother died I can tell you most of what happened that morning and who I spoke too. Moments pierced in my heart and never forgotten. Today yet another my ex left for California he could not find a job in NC that paid what he use to be on and so took a job 2,800 miles from his children. I am not suppose to be gutted but as a tried to keep my distance at the airport I found myself sobbing with tears and in the end this man that i am divorced from agreeing to a picture of us all and hugging me tight like there was no tomorrow we all stood there hopeless all hugging each other. For one moment in time we were not divorced we were all one family saddened by life grasping to hold it together. I am suppose to be the grown up stiff upper lip my mum would say your British don't cry but tears flooded. I felt alone, unable to steer a boat to shore wanting to have a wand and make it all so different. Yet this is what it is. Do people ever realize the brokenness of divorce maybe not, do they ever learn from it some I am sure do others just hold onto bitterness and others like me our helpless and maybe naive in always been a huge romantic believing for dreams and fairy tales. Perhaps though in our brokenness we find that there is that human factor that can care.

I do not have any answers I sure feel a huge part of me is no longer here. Life is not always what we make it but it is making every day count and seeing the good in each other that make us and the world a better place.