Lessons parents can learn from divorced children

Let me make it very clear. Single parents do not have it all together. If you think that then perhaps you need to take off the purple colored sunglasses and take a long hard look. Reality is simply that being a single parent is a tough job and not for the weak in heart.When a child is sick you have to deal with it and you alone forget about sleep after all it is so overrated.... When food needs to be done and you are married you may have the option of eating out,but in general not as a single parent every penny counts. Chores are often not given because some are stay at home mothers and even dad's and perhaps we feel bad when homework is building to expect things to be picked up, often just learning to be polite is put on the back shelf so as not to upset your dear child as you think or tell yourself you want the best. But is that? Where did Please and Thank you go? Reality is that most single parents have not got it all together many have trained themselves well to balance multiple jobs with little praise. One thing I have seen is that single mothers often give their children responsibilities that others may not give them. The chance to learn to make food, everyone pitching in to raise money to go out. The chance to learn to keep a clean house, or even the ability to understand the idea of a budget, wow now that is an idea. So as I type here perhaps children from divorced homes do have an edge over one's from parents that are together. Yes they both have valuable assets. But the assets of life and learning to get along with become not an option but a tool to learn how to solve issues and problems and those will go with them for life and single parents have to work at these issues daily with their children none can be swept under the carpet. So before you look the other way at a family who is now a single parenting family perhaps you should look and watch how well balanced many of those children are. See it is easy to sit back and not allow your children to grow up but single parents do not have that option they have to make sure that all is done and in doing that they can provide their children some valuable life lessons from cooking to gardening to budgeting. Perhaps indeed I could of been taught a lesson or two from a single parent.

Think once,twice and then again before you file divorce.

Think twice and then twice again. Actions speak louder than words I have heard that one all my life. So as I sit here I think back to many times when my emotions or what I thought was getting back at the world was justified. The older I have got the more I realize that one needs to think once, twice and then talk with someone that can see how your actions are going to affect another. In divorce actions hurt so many people. It is interesting if we took all that time into thinking how to build a marriage up or how to spend quality time with another perhaps the outcome would of been different. In truth we can spend more time in a divorce tearing the other down than perhaps we did in the marriage building the other up. My parents would of been married 58 years this year and me 20. Sad to say I never saw my parents spend quality time together and I can say the same that my ex spouse and I spent little quality time together. It is a tough road once you are on the road of divorce no one tells you to much about regrets or mistakes they made it is in general swept under the carpet and one often can focus on all the bad. If I look back at my parents marriage they were indeed very similar, if I look back on my own we had the qualities that the other needed but never bothered to see that. So my advice before you file think once, twice and then again. Once done the hurt the pain is in motion and to be honest you may live with that regret forever.

Emotions of a divorce last for years.

I came from a divorced home, so in writing this I see from both sides of the coin. Parents argue for years about the other. Some choose to see the good and rarely mention the other but that percentage is rare. The money spent in dissolving a marriage is huge and the money spent on a marriage can add up but the dissolving costs oh so much more. It is a time of sorrow of pain for many they dare not look back and realize that to find good instead of bad might resolve in owning their own mistakes and actually not signing their name to a piece of paper. How many of us would be sitting on a porch swings or a deck chair if we had just stopped and spent more time seeing the good. Off course life can change things. Many are put on medication to cure depression and such now a days, but I caution those who stay on that a long time. Personalities can change, what was reality is now distorted and perhaps where you got help for now is in fact a giant running your life. Because medicine and medicine alone does nothing. From what I have seen emotions and scares from a divorce last a life time. Yes some have found happiness. But deep down I beat many would just wish it all could of worked. It is not in blaming life and others but in perhaps realizing that the road of divorce is simply a road that divides and never meets again but that one continually see's in the distance.

50/50 or perhaps the issue lies before marriage!!

Divorce in the Bible sure was warned against. But perhaps what is not talked about much in the Bible is how that affects the children involved. I like many others have come from a divorced home and to this day I often wish I could just go home where there is a mum and a dad. Easier said. Children and young people who have to deal with divorce really in my mind grow up very fast as if their childhood is taken away and they are counting down the minutes until 18 hits and they can have a voice in this crazy mess. Easy in court room settings to say 50/50 but much harder for the people living it. It is easy to say that you know best or a judge to cast a judgement on a situation that they hear for a moment in time. When raw emotions and the very children you brought into the world with love our now been ordered by a court judgement to do what may hurt them the most. No one looks at long term 5,10 or even 20 years from now. I wonder if you took a group of divorced kids and asked them to really say how they felt about their parents divorce what they would say. I would say the resounding message would be that they wanted security. Yet society brushes these facts to the side and money is made by lawyers and such a like. Perhaps the root of the issue is before the marriage more training in communications telling the couple you must go through a financial class and communications class before this land or any other will allow them to marry. You say that is harsh but isn't that what you are telling the many young people who are told you have to do this 50/50, this is what the courts feel is best for you. Perhaps if the issue was dealt with by the very adults who said "I do" to begin with less children, young people would be pushed in the middle of a court system that just see's their name on a piece of paper and selfish parents who will not see that life of their children is ticking by ever so quickly.

No one can do this life without God.

The older I get and the more I see how hard life can be for many wonderful people. I look in amazement how can a person do this all without God. In all what I have gone through one pillar stays faithful is my belief in One Almighty God who has never let me down. At times I wonder where He is and why oh God, but in those moments I know for sure if it was not for Him and Him alone I would be indeed lost. I have seen many things in my life many wave the flag that they are doing things because God told them, in truth it is nothing than their own selfish judgements and wants. It is the Christian who walks daily and wonders what would God want me to do that does not receive the glory but perhaps receives a crown when all is said and done. In my opinion of life one is only deceived if one thinks you can do life without God. Please have a cup of tea with me today.

Life is but a fragment.

Many of us spend hours squabbling and arguing about petty little things. Many spend a lifetime in the court system making their point made known to the world. While time slips through our hands, like a water faucet with running water gushing. But time is but a fragment a wonderful waterfall that at a moment can stop, that beauty gone. Many say well someone else can look after that person or as long as I have the last say then all is well. In truth all is not well. Life slips through are hands and we are left perhaps with the convictions that maybe we should have just gone the extra mile, maybe not for the sake of duty but for the sake of what it can do for our own souls. I maybe just a cashier but I have had more joy given to me, by holding someone's hand smiling, sharing their grief, sorrow and love. Life is but a moment.Yet answer this how many moments have you wasted been bitter? Perhaps it is all justified but when all is said and done time has slipped by and you are older and others may have gone. Life is indeed a fragment, a vapor in time and yet what will we do in that vapor of time to make a difference?

Trials of life.

I took a test today I did not pass I failed to be honest I had to make 75% I made 44% I sat crying in my car driving aimlessly around a city. But in all my tears and nearly fogged up sunglasses I had told God I don't want anything in my life unless it is truly what you want. I knew in myself I had answered questions the way they should of been answered before and now in my heart I told God I would rather be poor than have something that you don't want for me. But God please get me home to see my family in England and please provide for me and my family. I don't want to always be asking but God please see my heart. As I sat doing test after test at home I realized one thing if we come to realize that God is everything then perhaps in that moment He takes the reins and makes something out of nothing. My the trials for me have been long and long and I so have cried so many tears. Yet inside I see how God has changed little old me. Perhaps next week I will past this test perhaps not,but one thing I do know through all the years I have lived God still cares for me. You might not see it and as I type this I am saying God don't forget how much I want to go home and please God remember me. He does see it all and I do believe He will make away.It is like the picture below it is drift wood to some quite ugly but to me I found it absolutely beautiful. What Man says is impossible God says He can and He will. Please have a cup of tea with me today.