Memories don't live like people do...they always stay with you.

As I sat talking about moving back to England in the next few years the thought of going through memories was not one I put on the top of the list in fact to get rid of the Christmas china that I loved first and get rid of anything in the house but go through memory boxes was not one I wanted to do. My youngest decided today was a good day to start and after three days of headaches and shoving turmeric, garlic and ginger down I was just feeling a little exhausted. As I sat looking at things I sat remembering back then although I knew that my marriage was coming to an end I still hoped that some how some way it would work. I sat going through just two of these large Tupperware containers filled of memories, remembering people who had made things now who had died and thinking of how I had hoped so much more for her and her sister. God help me when I go through her sisters things my oldest holds onto everything, everything has a memory good or bad something holds us to them. As I held the clothes in my hands I just felt sad wishing things had been different seeing things my mum made and wishing I had stayed in England and just had made more memories with her. I have about five things maybe from my childhood, I don't remember what happened to the things I wanted to keep as we moved shortly after my parents got divorced and I don't know what happened to the amazing clothes my mum made my dolls, I had wanted to keep them for my little girls but that did not happen. Boxes fill this house with times sad and some good, I just wish I could have made it better for my children, I do with all my heart. I use to keep journals as a child I wished I had kept them but I joined a church which was against them and out went the journals and and out went memories good or bad I guess now I write the pages of what happened in the past and maybe some were to sad to read anyway. My parents argued a lot and I like to remember the good times I had as a child of ridding my bike and living in the countryside. Maybe the clothes are just like the words "Memories don't live like people do they always stay with you" so if the things get given a new life then it's alright because I can take the good memories and choice to leave the sad and in that I did my best and that is all anyone can do. If one can look back at life even if you have lost someone or you are divorced and you did your best then that is what matters, wishing things had been different can never change things but can empower the future to be brighter if we allow ourselves to cry a little and then move on and that is my wish.