That moment when you say what now God.

When my brother died I felt so much dear God now what and when I got divorced. Through it all some how I have kept going. Today I was told that my hours of looking after a dear lady will be going down to very minimal and I found myself trying to be positive but asking now what God. I will have to say it was not having to count the pennies for every transaction and nice to care for someone and to laugh with them. In my heart I felt I could not give to my own parents but in someway and another I could give to this woman. Now my world was about to change and little old me is scared and feeling alone yet feeling God you must have a plan for me. It is not my strength but His.

Life is like sand trickling through your hands.

A friend of mine posted this song on facebook https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4f0p5KqdU9U&sns=fb I will have to say I now love it as much as "This house that built me" by Miranda Lambert. Somehow they draw me back to my past. I love it when my parents talk to me: "Is that Lisa?" my mum says and her voice takes me back to being a child. But even more so my Dad when he says, "Is that My Little Lee?" and my heart melts and all of a sudden I am five holding onto a doll at Christmas or walking down the street in Aylmerton on New Year's Day and walking in the snow as a teen and all of a sudden all those arguments my parents had disappear and all I remember is the good times and I just wished I could give my parents more time. I see my mum and Dad now and I so wished I could give back time. Where did life go in a moment all those days I worried that my parents would get old when I lived in Norwich all those nights I prayed that they would never die. Now I am 3000 miles away holding to every moment every memory I can make with them. Praying to God I get another chance to see them. Even with my own kids I wonder where did life go..and wow I am how old. I wished life was not like sands going through my hand. I am now buttoning my parent's coats and wondering if they are warm and if they are alright when only yesterday they would make sure my cape for school was done up right and jump me up and down to pull on tights. It is just like this year it was suppose to be that visiting England lasted forever and now only God knows when I will be back. Where did time go from wishing upon stars as a little girl to wishing on stars 3000 miles away that your own kids will never grow up and that couldn't you have more days with your parents. My mum always says, "You're not getting rid of me yet" and chuckles about life. My Dad is like a young man forever walking miles and me perhaps I am the old timer who just wishes time stood still. From seeing Scott my brother make model train sets to riding bikes to walking home from Miss Middleton's, time somehow has slipped by. From being married to being divorced to sitting on a front porch with my ex laughing like old timers as we handed out candy on Halloween, where did life go? Was it not only yesterday that I rode my bike and would not dare to ride out with at least one trainer on or I saw my own kids try to ride their bikes and then dear God drive a car. Where did time go? If I had one thing to tell you, cherish as many moments as you can because life is so short.