Notes in my pocket. 2016 Thank you amazing ladies.

As 2015 comes to an end and I reflect on the year I am reminded how short life is. My mum is not perfect but has a heart of Gold and is in my eyes an amazing woman who no matter what has kept on going. With little money in her pocket, she has still had the courage to face each day. She and I may have knocked our heads together and disliked each other but she is a woman who has the courage when the world turned against her not to give up and for that I am so grateful. I am beyond thankful for being able to look after Carole this year to hear her play her piano to learn to love someone even when they repeated themselves a lot of times and to feel love given back to me. She is and will always be an amazing woman of faith and love. Penny a woman who comes through my line a smile on her face and love in her heart a woman like no other. Patricia a British lady with an attitude "Don't mess with me" she is amazing I find strength in her attitude and in her amazing love she has shown me. Many women who have spoken to me who have shared their lives even if it was for just a moment in time. For the Buddhist lady who allowed me to shine some love into her mother's life. To a dear child Caroline who I will love and remember for eternity her and her little red coat. My amazing girls who have battled through life, giving me wings to fly when I wanted to give up and a heart to love when life was falling to pieces. They are amazing young women who press on regardless of what others think and have given me my life and a reason to know that God is indeed a God of miracles. LeaAnn dear and faithful a friend like no other what words can express such a friend other than God I am blessed. My amazing friends in England Eunice and Sharon women who love me no matter what. Just a few woman who have changed and touched my life this year. No one knows what 2016 holds but I encourage you to be a woman who looks beyond yourself and one that dreams big, embraces that you are amazing and holds on to the fact that you can do great things. I have struggled for years and still struggle with what I have just written but I know one thing if you just keep on going forward believing Anything can happen then Miracles indeed happen all around you and you indeed change your future for a brighter one. Thank you for sharing in my journey and life. Happy 2016

Notes in my pocket: It is not what we see with just our eyes that counts!

Notes in my pocket. Today's thought is have you looked around you, looked at people, and taken note of what they wear? I have looked at times in my life and judged people on how they were at that moment or how they looked. The older I get I realize we can all clean up really good but what matters is not what we wear so to speak but what is in our heart. In the passed year, I have taken the time to say to people that looked down how beautiful they looked, to look for a way to make someone smile. I have found that kindness comes from people you do not think it will come from. I know a lady who is a Buddhist and I used to always talk to her mom. She did not talk very good English but my goal was to make her smile. She stopped coming to where I work and I found out she died. Today her daughter found me and handed me a card with a note of how her mom liked coming to see me and how the gift inside, her mom would have wanted me to have. If I look through my own eyes, I see imperfection all around and I become very critical, but as I learn to take a step back and look through grace and God's eyes, I see that there are wonderful people just wanting to be loved, just wanting to hear a kind word. Are we really too busy to care, too busy to pass a light of hope onto another? As 2015 closes I ask you to carry in your heart a light that daily can be passed onto another to shine hope, a smile and love. If we can all do this each day and try at least try one act of kindness, the darkness in this world does not appear to be so dark and the light shines brighter. There is a story I made up for my children: this little girl was scared of the dark and her mummy said that the darkness wanted to come in from outside because it was lonely. See once the darkness came in, it could see the light and then darkness was no longer alone and it was transformed from dark to light and so it is with us. If we give a little hope, then the despair in our lives starts to go and we find hope in a new tomorrow. 2016 a year of darkness or light, of despair or hope: the choice is yours.

Christmas 2015 and The Angel

As Christmas Day 2015 comes to an end and I congratulate myself in not giving my family food poisoning or making them sick for another Christmas meal, I would like to reflect on some things. Christmas Day and all its glory does not have to be about ourselves and me, myself, and I: it can in fact be about reaching out to people we know who are in need of love. This year is probably our fourth or fifth year of driving to our local pharmacist and singing rather loudly Merry Christmas as we hand these hard working people a pie. It is not forgetting those people who are forced to work or have to work. When we woke up, I told my girls let's call people who it would really count to have someone call and say, "Merry Christmas" and so we did to a lady who is ill, a woman with cancer and who is divorced, an old lady who is not always easy to get along with and in a home. It was amazing their responses and how touched they were. The old lady got me by saying, "Thank you for taking the time out of your Christmas" nothing but a few moments to care for someone. See I know so many people who are so bitter and will not forgive and just think beyond that hurt. As a child, I hated Christmas. It was not a time of joy: my family argued a lot and Christmas meant another day to argue. I could just stay in that and feel hurt, or choose to forgive and live. It is a decision only I can make and it might be very hard for some. I always say better to not live in regret and it is true. I have many regrets but each day I can try to move on from the hurt I have often felt. The other day someone said something about my brother and it really bothered me so that night I had a dream and my brother was in that dream. I had forgotten his voice I hate that but his voice was loud and clear. It is not for us to question when someone should die and when someone should go home but rest in knowing that God is in control. My brother told me to move this metal angel I had and to put it in my kitchen window and told me to tell my mum to put an angel in her window. She drew a little angel that night, and I put angel drawings in every window of my house. There was such a peace. It is knowing that God does not want us to sit here condemning ourselves but for us to trust him and know that there is peace when we rest in Him. I am not very good at doing that to be honest but at least I am trying so 2015 Christmas thank you for allowing me to be guided by an angel, to reach out to others, and learn that God and God alone can give me peace. Merry Christmas!

Grinches/Dementia/Christmas

Grinches/Dementia/Christmas you may ask what these have in common. Every Christmas since I have lived in America I have found that I get bills saying that medical is going up and often car Insurance, this year I was hit with not just these two but the house taxes and getting laid off from a job I loved. I have found for so many years here where I live stores and often people push buying so much and play wimpy Christmas music which you cannot hear as they do not want to offend anyone or as we say now Holiday music. We must not offend people by saying Christmas it is a Holiday where stores make tones of money off the poor innocent people. This year like many others I have got swept into it all. I find myself the older I get yearning for a simple life. The life I had in England was a little Christmas tree Charlie Brown one might say. But singing Carols at a local church and been bloody freezing now brings back happy memories of people I love and a time when life was not so commercialized. Dementia is not just for the old it is all around in people saying one thing and doing another it is like my amazing Sunday school teacher says " Many talk the Christian talk, but there is nothing solid in there life to say they actually live it" not exact words. But it has got me her words. So many times I speak with people who say I am praying for you and act like mere jerks, I am drawn into their nice words and then jabbed in the back by their actions. This sadly is not God at all by the dementia of a wicked and sinful world. I have worked with people with dementia and surprisingly enough they are sharper than some people, they are not as dumb as some make out they actually know how it is to love and actually want to be loved sadly they are often forgotten. Where dementia in the world abounds of been rude to people and lying to people abounds it is a sad fact that people ignore this as been normal. You either truly believe in Christ or you are deceiving yourself you cannot be lukewarm yet many of us play this very dangerous game I call this the New dementia of our time. Christmas is a time of reflecting on our lives to evaluate what truly means something to us. My trip home this year was a time to realize that true value is not found in things but in loving and caring about the people who matter the most. It was a time for me to be me. This Christmas don't become the new dementia be the true person God would have you be one that cares to be

true to yourself because been yourself is an amazing God gift and He loves you and values you like no one else. May God bless you this coming year and allow you to focus on the true meaning of Christmas do not be pulled into the new dementia but be pulled into God's amazing grace and Love Merry Christmas

Just a cashier

Five years ago I could not find any job which would hire a mum with no degree. It amazed me how different America was to England. In England job shares were common and a degree did not matter,but not so in America. It is a cold fact that reality hits when you are a single mum trying to find a job with little education. I was offered a cashier position at a grocery store forty minutes from my house. I took my time doing all the required tests online to be honest I was dead scared, I remember my supervisor asking if I was done. I did not lie, I wasn't done but I sure did not want to go out into a big store and mess up on a register. Little me big store. She was and still is an amazing woman although she has moved on to another store along with some amazing others that I have known. They all made me a better person. A job where you stand for hours with little breaks and often ignorant people not allowing you to get a drink or go to the toilet. However I viewed that this job was given to me by God and I would do my best. I started becoming friends with the customers, laughing, singing and even crying. I prayed with them as they came through my line with customers saying we were hoping you were here. One woman lost a child and was trying to adopt her glowing face the day she adopted two children and merrily came and told me. The woman whose husband was dying and needed a transplant he was seriously ill and it was near Christmas I will never ever forget her coming up to me after Christmas telling me "he came home on Christmas day they say it was a miracle we had so many people at the house it's because of you and your prayers". The little girl who hated wearing her red coat I stood there telling her "no you got to wear that coat," little did she know it brought back memories of my mum and the little red coat my mum made me. Caroline made my world a better place her smile her laugh, her handing me her coat. The person who fell in the store and her son and I kept running back to make sure she was fine, her gratitude because of simple kindness. The man who calls me Mary Poppins and I him Dick Van Dyke. The man who had a heart transplant and his smile as I prayed for him. The woman who I prayed for and her husband died just holding them caring for one moment making them feel like that they mattered. The man yesterday who said he had cancer and my heart wanted to cry his joy that he was going to beat it made my world such a brighter place. A woman with a turban who had cancer. I smiling and saying she looked beautiful and the little girl with an eye patch whom I told her that she was amazing. People just in a store a woman whose mum lived through world war II and another who was a child in WWII and remembered sitting under tables as she heard the bombing of England above. A simple smile from ordinary people who in the eyes of management were just customers but to me they became family. It is not the posts on the wall and the amount you scan that matter in my world. It is praying and loving people where they are at caring that they actually matter. I decided a long time ago if I was going to get sacked because I prayed then God would watch my back. It is in the unseen messages that matters not to anyone in this world but to my Heavenly father. See I am just a cashier but not to the many I have prayed for cried with and loved. I am more than that I am woman who stood in the gap for a moment in time. Low paying it is but high paying in the Realm of Heaven. I assure you what you do in Christ's name is truly seen and will not be forgotten. Don't look for the praises of man because it is not eternal. Go pray, go reach the people that people just think are customers or in whatever you do don't let anyone say you are just.... you are an ambassador for Christ and that is a high paying job in His Kingdom Merry Christmas to you all and God bless us little people for we are so much more than the world sees us as.

Christmas past, present, change the future your choice

Ever watched something that made you stop and think I saw a video posted on Facebook today it was extremely touching and made me cry. I have not spent a Christmas with my Dad since I was fifteen, I beat he would be surprised if I said that amount of years, my mum the last Christmas I believe I spent with her I was eighteen. I am now forty eight you do the maths that's a lot of years. Yet Christmas to me as a child was often people arguing over the tellie yet there were so many good memories too. Second weekend in December go and get the Christmas tree from Felbrigg Hall, or when we lived in Norwich go window shopping in the city. Carol singing at Cromer church for the school Christmas carol service, or least we forget caroling at Aylmerton local Parrish church where the minister blew his nose rather loudly with Hark the Herald Angel causing my Dad, brother and myself to be in fits of laughter and the minister stopping the whole church to say " when you three have stopped we will continue". Let's not forget the many pantomimes we saw in Norwich and the silly jokes that were read from the Christmas crackers that were pulled during the Christmas holidays. Thursford freezing cold nights to hear the Christmas performance, buying food in Cromer and then my mum she made the best Christmas meal. Salt beef was ordered in from the Thank you Thank you very much grocery bless that ladies heart she said thank you so much we called her that very name. Dad brought his sherry etc and placed it in the globe which housed the alcohol and glasses so many pretty glasses there was there so dainty. Going to Norwich and walking through the Cathedral and down Elm Hill. Mum made a feast for royalties, making mince meat in the summer and making Christmas cake and Christmas pudding she would fed the cake rum or brandy from October onwards. Turkey smell filled the house on Christmas morning, she was amazing at roast potatoes and such it was awesome. I sit here seeing the feast she was truly the Julia Childs or Mrs Beeton in our house. My Dad and I would often sit singing songs or listening to the old familiar record that gran had given us. I have a copy of that today and wonder how on earth I listened to it but it was my Christmas. The carriage Christmas lights the pillow cases with our names on that we had made as children to house our gifts and open on Mum and dad's bed and Christmas tree gifts on the tree. such silly things as paint brushes and socks. Each of our rooms decorated when I use to share a room with my sister she would make a tree or a father Christmas house from crepe paper all items had been copied from Blue Peter a show we watched as children. All distant memories yet as I sit here and type I remember the towns and the villages of North Norfolk the smells of home fires and the wet soggy leaves under my feet as I walked home down the twirling drive of Silver Firs. This was my life and one I never cared to think what would Christmas be like to share it with mum and Dad when I grew older. I did not care after their divorce I tried with my mum but when I moved to the States my life was oh so far away. Now I wished I could be there a single mum watching a video and knowing that there is nothing I can do to get me and my girls home for Christmas other than jack up the credit card and not pay bills and then listen to people say how incompetent I was. I would love to show up on their doors hug them tight make them a Christmas meal like they so many times did me. Sing carols and feel the cold damp leaves under my feet hear the carols sung in the cathedrals and churches for once be Home for Christmas. I will have to say Christmas is always hard for me, it is not the same in the states. If you can be home for Christmas or if you have odds against your family make a new beginning change the future. It is the greatest gift a human can ever give another. http://m.omeleto.com/218504/ http://www.newfrontierchronicle.org/reconnecting-with-dad/ Love you Mum and Dad I wish we were home for Christmas. Praying that God allows us one day to spend just one more with you both.

That moment when you say what now God.

When my brother died I felt so much dear God now what and when I got divorced. Through it all some how I have kept going. Today I was told that my hours of looking after a dear lady will be going down to very minimal and I found myself trying to be positive but asking now what God. I will have to say it was not having to count the pennies for every transaction and nice to care for someone and to laugh with them. In my heart I felt I could not give to my own parents but in someway and another I could give to this woman. Now my world was about to change and little old me is scared and feeling alone yet feeling God you must have a plan for me. It is not my strength but His.

Life is like sand trickling through your hands.

A friend of mine posted this song on facebook https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4f0p5KqdU9U&sns=fb I will have to say I now love it as much as "This house that built me" by Miranda Lambert. Somehow they draw me back to my past. I love it when my parents talk to me: "Is that Lisa?" my mum says and her voice takes me back to being a child. But even more so my Dad when he says, "Is that My Little Lee?" and my heart melts and all of a sudden I am five holding onto a doll at Christmas or walking down the street in Aylmerton on New Year's Day and walking in the snow as a teen and all of a sudden all those arguments my parents had disappear and all I remember is the good times and I just wished I could give my parents more time. I see my mum and Dad now and I so wished I could give back time. Where did life go in a moment all those days I worried that my parents would get old when I lived in Norwich all those nights I prayed that they would never die. Now I am 3000 miles away holding to every moment every memory I can make with them. Praying to God I get another chance to see them. Even with my own kids I wonder where did life go..and wow I am how old. I wished life was not like sands going through my hand. I am now buttoning my parent's coats and wondering if they are warm and if they are alright when only yesterday they would make sure my cape for school was done up right and jump me up and down to pull on tights. It is just like this year it was suppose to be that visiting England lasted forever and now only God knows when I will be back. Where did time go from wishing upon stars as a little girl to wishing on stars 3000 miles away that your own kids will never grow up and that couldn't you have more days with your parents. My mum always says, "You're not getting rid of me yet" and chuckles about life. My Dad is like a young man forever walking miles and me perhaps I am the old timer who just wishes time stood still. From seeing Scott my brother make model train sets to riding bikes to walking home from Miss Middleton's, time somehow has slipped by. From being married to being divorced to sitting on a front porch with my ex laughing like old timers as we handed out candy on Halloween, where did life go? Was it not only yesterday that I rode my bike and would not dare to ride out with at least one trainer on or I saw my own kids try to ride their bikes and then dear God drive a car. Where did time go? If I had one thing to tell you, cherish as many moments as you can because life is so short.

Wished life was different.

Since coming back to the States I sure miss England seeing all the wonderful places and my family. I never realized how much I missed them. I just ignored it every time I felt homesick. I don't know about you sometimes it feels like you try and try. Since being a single mum I have tried selling British food, dog bow ties, dog biscuits, my stories online, cleaning and even educational supplies that I designed all to little avail. Sometimes it feels like you are banging your head against a wall. This last few weeks I have had issue after issue with my car and my daughter's car. The carpet cleaner died and that is so not good with a puppy. On the flip side I am still standing. My sister even emailed me saying she wanted no more to do with me. It is times like this I wished hugs grew on trees. It may sound silly but I get enjoyment from looking at the Christmas cook books. This sense of wanting to go home and no idea how I can ever afford to do it or how do I find the energy to keep on pushing forward. I so wished I could just magically make something work. On the flip side a tree fell down and did not destroy my neighbor's fence and hey we got great deals at REI for Christmas. What to say when you wish life was different a Pastor said ages ago, "If you are going to do something, do it well." So my advice is find someone to encourage you to keep pushing forward because if you don't you will never get to see what might have happened and just maybe what might have happened is closer than you think.

Prince George book.

http://www.amazon.com/Lisa-K.-Butler/e/B00DXOCI3M Amazing books even one about a little girl who is born on the same day as Prince George. Inspiring books for all ages. Don't miss out. Read and write a review. This woman encouraged her children and others even through many trials.

Be that Change to Change the world

Well blog where to begin I don't know who reads my blogs I use to really care then a woman said I should be looking for a job and not writing on here there was some truth in what she said. But if writing brings a smile on my face then what harm does it do, so every now and again I start to write in the hope it helps someone out there. Lots to say in my world. It appears so easy to send your child to college you think they will never grow up and inside as the years go by you convince yourself that time will stand still and that some how you and they will escape the fact that they have to grow up. Some stay home and commute to college and yet your heart still aches every time they walk out the door walk on that campus, it is as if you have no control you pray with all you have that minutes, seconds and hours will go oh so fast and that nothing will happen that would be bad and then you sigh a sigh of relieve when you hear their voice. This is the aching heart of a mother who wishes time stood still. Even though you know and you believe that God has a plan for them there is this sense this yearning that couldn't I have been given more time and then this other voice it's time to let them fly and time for them to grow. I have seen old people in homes, left there, the money making business of making money out of these old people. Sad as you walk down the corridors realizing that their money is been zapped up by an industry and does anyone really care who visits them. Yet once they danced and fell in love, once had family and yet now many are all alone. Then there are the single parents left in a world like outcasts, trying to find their feet and move on. Society kicks them to the side as if they have nothing no medical, no care you work it out you work the hours your problem not ours. Yet they struggle and keep on carrying on no matter what and yet the question arises does anyone really care.They say prayers for people at work not wanting the praise, yet it is the people loud voice and with little care who get promoted. It is in those moments that one sees that God must cry a tear. Dishonesty the nature of the Beast who truly is honest who truly cares? You try to get help some repairs and people abuse that trust you gave them. It is a sad fact that people are more out to make money than care about being honest. Yet there are some out there. I have been blessed with an extremely honest friend. You just have to be careful be on your guard it is a sad fact that dishonesty reigns in a world where priorities are turned all upside down and one just has to truly say a prayer God guide me every single day. A single mum writes a story about Prince George coming into the world yet she is not famous and gets no credit and yet another woman writes a story who is more known writes a story about Prince George's dog and it is advertised on the television. It is a slightly upside down world.https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=FHxQBAAAQBAJ&source=productsearch&utm_source=HA_Desktop_US&utm_medium=SEM&utm_campaign=PLA&pcampaignid=MKTAD0930BO1&gl=US&gclid=CLi8q_D4_ccCFUdnNwodd7QMDw&gclsrc=ds The single mum should get just as much credit her story funny and connecting with others and written in a time she wanted to bring a little bit of joy to her children's lives. Sad fact it is all in who you know. http://www.amazon.com/Kate-Wills-Baby-Boy-ME-ebook/dp/B00E401VMS/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8 Lastly joy in the middle of tears. Some say that miracles don't happen in today but when you see young people reaching out raising money to feed the homeless and giving money to a single mum to get a dryer then you know that grace abounds and that God in His grace still can be found. It is those moments those people that we must cling onto knowing that our future our world has a chance to be changed. So go be that person be the change because only you can change it and only you can take that one step to make a difference.

Balloons to Heaven

Ever lost someone that was really close to you. The longer you live and the older one gets it appears that we lose a loved one or friend a long the way. Every year I let go of a balloon for my brother on his Birthday and on the day he died in fact one year I let go off many balloons it was how old he would have been. This morning when I woke I had this wonderful story in my head that I would love to share and just some how I hope it will bless you as well as it did me. I walked around a grocery store today people looking at me as I went down the aisles, I was holding one blue balloon and I merrily said to the lady I was with my balloon has a destiny it has a destination. It is Heaven bound. I smiled as I left the store and let go off my balloon, The day I died I reached Heaven's door and as the door was opened there was my brother with a room full of balloons, he smiled his old familiar smile that I had remembered as a child. Welcome Home Lee each balloon in this room are the ones that you sent to Heaven. You see as soon as they reached Heaven's door I grabbed them and kept them here waiting for the day you came home. Now the balloons can be set free into eternity. I knew how much you loved me, how you missed me so I wanted you to have the best welcome home so here it is Lee all your balloons came home to me. My prayer for you all as you read this,is don't think any tradition is silly that you do for a loved one that has gone on before you perhaps it is writing in a diary, planting a flower or letting off fireworks whatever it is I beat when you get to Heaven there have all of those things there waiting to welcome you Home. So go on keep believing because Heaven really has so many blessing to be hold. Let go off one balloon and wait and see one day you will see it again with the very person that you loved and God brought home.

Lost family

Life is very short and so often we miss out on opportunities. Many of us have come from divorced homes, we saw the good, bad and ugly within our very walls. Some memories want to make us scream and others do a dance in the rain. I will have to say I have in my life remembered the good, bad and ugly of my childhood. I was given the chance though to change my future by moving on from my past and I choose to come to peace with my past and move on. I remember the good times much more than the bad times now. It is not that I have closed them off from my life I know that they lived but now they don't rule me. Not all of us have the courage to do that. We come across people from our past and the longer we are with them the more they make us see parts of ourselves we don't want to deal with. The sad reality about that is as long as you are living in the past it will rule you whether you like it or not. Sorry, I forgive you goes along way. A new page to write a new beginning. There is no good standing at a grave side wishing you had, now let's be honest we often do but if you have the opportunity to make memories that make the past not so bad then go for it. Fear only can hurt you as long as you allow it. There is hope when you face your past and move on. You become free no more chains from days that that just pulled you down. Sadly to say the Lost Family of what could have been a new beginning, often never gets to reconnect and live. It is the lost family found at a grave side. Family members reconnected by a moment but not willing to let go. What could have happened if only they had done so.... The choice is up to all of us... Make families count and let go and move on .... the page is waiting for a new story...lets write a good one.

Freshmen class of 2019

Life slips through our hands oh so fast you hold this small fragile little person in your arms thinking life will stand still and that some how you are different than the rest. Then life happens and you stand in a hall seeing your child graduate next you hear those words College and your heart sinks and is over joyed at the same time. What to do with all these emotions that come. You have this emotional feelings going on that make you want to scream and you have this reality that you have to let go. These young people are feeling perhaps a similar thing life has happened and they have to face the world one class at a time. Some moving away from home others not. It is the circle of life they say. But as each parent cries a tear and each child braves the new adventure I say dream big class of 2019 go to do amazing things, change this world, make a difference do not stand in your fear but stand knowing that God has you in His hands and can do amazing things. It is in that knowledge

that we can hold onto even when life changes and tears roll down our eyes and we can say I know that My God is for me. You class of 2019 can and will change our future and so go make us proud and be the change that God has ordained you to be. Go strong Class of 2019

Life in a moment.

Life is just a fragment of time, everyone knows that but no one grasps that until you realize that you could have been killed or someone died suddenly. This passed weekend I was on my way to help a friend another single mom, I was to clean her house as she moved to another and get a little extra money for doing it. I loaded my girls and I into our mini van leaving a few minutes early in the hope of getting home a little earlier. I was only five minutes from my home and as I turned a corner a flat bed truck that was carrying large truck tires including their rims was speeding up to catch the light in the other lane and one of his tires started to fly through the air. My mind was "Dear God" I had the split second decision go into a ditch or swerve and get hit. So swerve I did, no one stopped no one came to see if we were alright, but as we looked for his tire we realized the unkindness of man that he had come back for his tire, but left us with a smashed bumper and light and feeling unnerved. The horrible reality that no one cared or had compassion to stop to see if three women were alright and as the heat was rising passed the 90's my heart is so disturbed by the lack of compassion. A friend told me that if the tire had bounced more it would have gone through the front window killing me and one of my daughters. I recall an incident in NC this passed winter of a man who had stopped to help someone and then a few miles down the road a person literally had hit his car or him and left him dead. They did catch that person. But life is but a fleeting moment a second can change life forever. A friends daughter died last year in an accident where she was texting she was moments from her home. It is times like this you understand how fragile life is and how as Christians we are suppose to and I say suppose to shine our light. Not all do this but I say sternly we are the light in this dark world and we should show compassion and care for others. If we don't then who will? I will never forget the empty feeling I felt when my brother died nearly five years ago and how a person one week after he died asked me if I had got over his death. Compassion is a life lesson, an ability to shine your light even to people we do not know. So what lessons to learn from a flying tire. Never take life for granted, say you love someone, forgive more and show your light and love for Jesus to as many as you can.

God's Plan

I was fortunate enough this past week to go by a stables near where I live. As my daughter and I approached the stables there was a sign on the entrance "God's Way" as clear as day. I was surprised and my heart rejoiced that someone would be so bold enough to put this on their property. I had the wonderful chance to be interviewed by the woman who owns this stables. "Whispering Hope Stables" in Raleigh is a wonderful place. It is one where you feel the peace and presence of God as soon as you drive up to it. This wonderful property is not just a business but gives back to the community, growing food to feed the homeless. This woman Amy Peters who owns the stables, truly has embraced what God's plan is by allowing God to be present in her work and giving back to others. It is not in thinking of just ourselves but allowing God to use our businesses our talents in our lives to glorify Christ in everything we do. Many times in life we wonder what is God's plan I know I do. As a single mum I am constantly wondering what should I do next God? How will I make it through this year, will I get to go Home to England ever again and the list goes on and on. But God always provides always sees my Big heart and has never let me down. Even in my brother's death, God was gracious enough to bring amazing miracles through it. My daughter Katie each year collects money and food for "Garner Area Ministries" and each year my family collects warm clothes for "The Salvation Army." It is in these acts of thinking of others rather than ourselves that we see God's true plan. I am just a cashier in a grocery store and yet I have prayed for people, held their hands when they have cried and seen God move in so many peoples' lives. God's plan may be very different than our own plan but it is in Trusting in Him and knowing He has the best for us. I know it is hard truly I have sat crying my eyes out and yet there is this peace that if we take steps of faith that God will do great things. So look beyond what we so often see in the mirror and see that God has great plans for you. I truly believe that. The best is yet to come.

Happy Fathers Day.

Throughout the years of my life I have pondered what Dad really means at times I would be reminded of my own dad and how I remembered him as a child. He never had much time for us always busy, always working I am sure at times he must have been quite lonely. As an adult I would look back remembering the good times, walks in woods every New Years Day I so hear his voice as we would walk through the snow "God has wiped and made the world clean" or sure something similar to that.It appeared in our walking and running through woods there indeed was an escape from reality. He and my brother would play badminton every summer, it was just like Wimbledon but better as we watched them diligently playing.I remember as a child standing on his feet dancing and singing songs with him happy memories that feel my heart with a smile. As an adult I would long for a person to feel the emptiness inside of not having a Dad around. I was reminded by someone recently what a dad really is he is the man that opens up car doors for you a true gentlemen, that wants to hold your hand on walks that walks on the outside to protect you, who listens and cares, who when tears fall down your eyes hugs you and cares. The one that remembers nick names of the past and loves you just the way you are.Integrity, loyalty and love go hand in hand. Wisdom abounds and the love to want to learn more and be a part of your life.It is in that person knowing the true value of life and family and seeing in your eyes the child you once were and loving the person you are now. It is in a true Dad's heart that you always know you are loved, cared for and always have a friend to listen and a home to go home too. I never knew what that truly meant until recently. See without that often we feel empty. Fathers day is a blessing to some it maybe lonely but I say dig deep find the good and in that God can do miracles I truly know. Happy Fathers Day

Perserverance/Integrity

When storms arise it is so easy to collapse and just give up. I guess it is my British heritage that says keep on going. Many times during my divorce and loss of my brother the first thought that came to my mind was get on a plane and go home, however no money to do that and no where to live and no job over there. However I have known people who instantly run from issues and create issues for others creating massive battlefields left for others to find out where the bombs have been buried. These people are generally people with one thing in mind themselves and no one else, it is often disguised with not being honest. But what is integrity without honesty what is saying your something and doing something else? As a Christian woman I have tried my hardest to be answerable and honest to others. If I do not do this then my integrity is nothing and I am nothing but a wolf in sheep's clothing deceiving not just myself but others around me. Life should not be what we can get out of it for ourselves but it should be how can we help and bless others in doing that we show the world that we are different we choose to be genuine, open to our mistakes. Perseverance is when you want to run you stand when the storms of life are hitting you and you want to give up but you keep on going. Integrity is knowing when you stand before God you have done your very best, no lies, no deceit just an open heart to say you are not perfect but that you have run the race well and with faith and trust that God has been by your side all of the way. Life is not running from the flames and storms it is facing them and making it through that allows us to stand stronger and knowing that God is more than able, more than capable and that we are not alone. What person are you going to be? a person who runs or a person who stands and allows God to do amazing things and you can say I am a person of integrity or will you be a person like many who says one thing yet does another?

At the end of the day God will judge and I certainly want to be one that God says to me you indeed had integrity. Because Integrity is worth fighting for.

Estate Angel

Have you ever felt like you were walking where an Angel was? I have a few times in my life. Yesterday I went to an Estate sale near my house. I had read about it through an email and gathered my two girls up. We drove the forty minutes to it. I guess I thought it was going to be like a yard sale. But as we approached the house, this wonderful lady approached us smiling face, showing someone around the house. I realized it was the owner- the woman who had just lost her husband. As she walked past, there was this feeling I wanted to be around her, I wanted to talk to her. There was a wonderful spirit in this woman I had never met in my life. As I walked through and past everyone, I felt the mere presence of peace and God. Each room had a peace and there was a sense of a loving marriage. We went up the stairs and there was oh so many wonderful clothes, coats, gloves and shoes. I imagined her dancing at wonderful balls in the amazing long coats. I imagined her husband caringly buying her them. Each outfit appeared to be loved and cared for. It was as if she had flown through each room praying that each item would find a good home. Her life imparted to a new life. I returned on Sunday with a letter in my hand and there she stood. I awaited to talk to her. The Angel of the house- the woman who had God so in her heart that it shone. I handed her my letter and asked if I could pray. As I left I saw the Angel again- this woman I had never met, I may never know her name. Her smile, her heart shinning out of the love that God had given her. Her eyes may have shown sadness of the loss of her wonderful husband but her heart shone with a love that was from Heaven. I may never meet this Angel again, until I go to Heaven. But one thing I know, she is going to make a difference and she I want to be like- the wonderful woman with a home for all and a heart of gold for God: the woman who sprinkles love even in the darkest days and the woman who is an Angel. Thank you God for allowing me to meet your Angel this weekend. May we shine our light as this Angel does so that even in the darkest days others can see Heaven.

Prom

Prom, a daunting word to many this congers up fear and anxiety. Prom that thought of how much a dress costs, who will ask me and does anyone really notice me. I never went to Prom they did not do it back in the day when I was at school in England. Not even a disco party was held at my school. Do I feel I missed out probably not. I would have been the wall flower not knowing how to dance or though back then I took ballroom lessons and I would have felt intimidated by others. Perhaps not much has changed in honesty. Prom, a lot of money spent on one day. But what can we learn from that one day. Many can buy dresses at second-hand places and make them look like designer dresses or buy one at a store on sale. My own daughter and her friend brought theirs with their own money and had their hair and make up done by their sisters. Some walk in with thousand dollar dresses, yes I said thousand. But my daughter and her friend they shone exemplifying that even in hardship for one night they could shine be a Princess and not worry about life. It is for many a young person a time to dance to laugh and be young, not allowing life to pull you down, for just a few moments you are pulled into a world of laughter and feeling like you can conquer the world. This was my daughters last prom I wished to God I could have brought the Cinderella dress she wanted, but regardless of what mum wanted she looked amazing she was my Cinderella and I her chauffeur. It is all a matter of our heart truly a Prom does not define you but it is who you choose you are and embracing the moment when just for one moment life has stopped and you can dance until there is no tomorrow. My daughter did not go with a date nor her friend. They saw a young lady who wore a dress her grandmother wore to prom and her mother and now her, the dress might not have looked great but instead of people pulling that young lady down i was told how her friends encouraged her. Isn't that what life is about being a support to each other and wanting the best for them even at Prom. I may hate driving at night but I would drive every night if it was to hear my daughter so happy and smiling so much. I picked them up at 10.30 pm but they were amazing been so polite not rude that mum was there at 10.30pm. I learnt last night that fear sometimes can overwhelm you that you can be frozen and so I am glad I drove in the dark to pick up two amazing young ladies it taught me I can do it and I would do it all again for them. Prom is just one moment in time and you can either let yourself shine and be blessed or let it pull you down. We all look back with regrets but don't let Prom be one of them. Let it be the start of an amazing time in your life where you start to shine and allow the whole world to see that. I know if I had my chance I would go to Prom and I would dance like there is no tomorrow. So Shine and let the world be amazed you are going to do great things I already know.

Where is my magic wand

As the days tick by since my girls dad left for San Fran my heart is sure heavy and I find myself asking where is my magic wand. I so wished for the many friends I know who are going through tough times that I had a magic wand. I find myself literally aching inside and yearning wishing I could change the horrible reality that I and my friends face. We all still having to go on, pressing forward trying to keep our homes, find jobs and be brave for our families. My amazing friend in Ohio who is British yesterday when I said I want my wand I want a wand to change all this mess her reply "we're going to build you a wand" it might not have meant anything to her but to me it meant the world. My heart is broken, heavy and I feel exhausted but her faith in the fact of making a new life for me gave me hope. Maybe I just have a tiny stick in my hand right now but if I take some baby steps and have faith I can build my wand to change not my life but others around and then my heart will not be so heavy. So find a person who can encourage you and help you believe you can build your wand. I am more than blessed that my friend Diane through thick and thin see

s the best in me I will never forget the day my brother died and how she listened for hours as I sobbed and how she just made me feel so not alone. The comradeship of being friends, from England, divorced and often feeling alone allows us to hold each other up and laugh together and know that we will always be there for each other. So hold onto that stick because one day it will be a wand that will change the world you see..

Brooken

As the world celebrates Kate and Will's second child. It is so easy for many divorced or separated couples to forget those wonderful moments when they too were once happy. I remember the birth of both of my children like it was yesterday. Moments captured in my heart like a time capsule. However I cannot tell you who filed to be separated but I can tell you the moment I received divorce papers the gutted feeling I felt the shattered dream moment that pierced my heart. I also remember clearly when my brother died I can tell you most of what happened that morning and who I spoke too. Moments pierced in my heart and never forgotten. Today yet another my ex left for California he could not find a job in NC that paid what he use to be on and so took a job 2,800 miles from his children. I am not suppose to be gutted but as a tried to keep my distance at the airport I found myself sobbing with tears and in the end this man that i am divorced from agreeing to a picture of us all and hugging me tight like there was no tomorrow we all stood there hopeless all hugging each other. For one moment in time we were not divorced we were all one family saddened by life grasping to hold it together. I am suppose to be the grown up stiff upper lip my mum would say your British don't cry but tears flooded. I felt alone, unable to steer a boat to shore wanting to have a wand and make it all so different. Yet this is what it is. Do people ever realize the brokenness of divorce maybe not, do they ever learn from it some I am sure do others just hold onto bitterness and others like me our helpless and maybe naive in always been a huge romantic believing for dreams and fairy tales. Perhaps though in our brokenness we find that there is that human factor that can care.

I do not have any answers I sure feel a huge part of me is no longer here. Life is not always what we make it but it is making every day count and seeing the good in each other that make us and the world a better place.

Keep My Dad in NC- HL7 Interface Implementation Engineer Job Needed

Keep My Dad in NC- HL7 Interface Implementation Engineer Job Needed https://www.facebook.com/pages/Keep-My-Dad-in-NC-HL7-Interface-Implementation-Engineer-Job-Needed/444240415752669?fref=ts It is amazing how much you realize how much you are loved when all of a sudden life changes. It is true the title above should bring us all to tears two daughters trying to help find their Dad a job to keep him in the State that they live. I find myself looking back at my life and thinking of how many times I have felt that sinking pain of having little control of my life. My parents divorce hurt my whole family and although I think for them it was the best thing for them the three children left had a very hard time. My brothers death and his wife dying was indeed one of the saddest things I have ever gone through. But seeing my children's heart aching to see their Dad go is beyond, it makes you realize once again life is so short and is all those arguments really truly worth it. You cannot make someone love you nor can you take back time and change it. But it is a sad fact when life turns on you and you cannot control it. I have never lived through a war nor the depression but even though I have not I have through the many things I have faced felt the hurt and separation of loved ones. If you are reading my blog and you have walked a mile or two like I have done then believe for miracles. Because it is through a child's eyes that I believe God see's our real hearts. Because so many of people are just holding out for a miracle Here is hoping for yours and mine to come soon.

TheWoodenCrosses and ImpactbyDapperchap Etsy

In life I have learnt that you have to try every avenues to get your name out there. TheWoodenCrosses on Etsy make lovely hand crafted signs that depict the whimsicality of life and embraces that a sign cannot only encourage you but transport you to a memory, place or time in your life giving us hope. ImpactbyDapperChap is also on Etsy showing the beauty around us in photographs that can be ordered on mugs and bags alike and in frames or not. Photographs allow us to be a part of a world we love or be transported to a world where memories were made. These two business allow us to see that people press through in life not only trying to change their world but allowing others to have a part of the wonderful world in their homes. As I have gone through life I am thankful for the quotes and photographs in my home that have encouraged me and allow me to Dream Big. https://www.etsy.com/shop/ImpactbyDapperChap?ref=l2-shopheader-name https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheWoodenCrosses?ref=search_shop_redirect They do two sided signs!

Horrible Reality.

In my life I have meet many trials just like many of us. From my parents divorce which affected all three of their children to my own divorce. To seeing wonderful friends and family members struggle. I have seen churches do little to help the people that often need the help. Some do help so don't get me wrong. But the horrible reality is that often many people are forgotten. My ex husband helps many people out in his church the ones that people have forgotten given them rides and even money even when he does not have it. I have seen friends who have little call others asking how they can help. Yet so often the very people who can help are paralyzed in fear that by reaching out to another that they might be swept into that persons problems. I believe this is a lie from hell. By reaching out we often see what Jesus Christ saw and felt compassion a willingness to love when you don't feel like it and see the world through his eyes. My heart is truly broken at this moment my ex husband could not find a job in North Carolina and is having to take one in California we have sent prayer requests out and even resumes getting no where. I myself have posted from cleaning homes to watching children and felt every time you fight it is a punch back. I feel myself it is a plight of the devil himself keeping families as far away as possible keeping them bound with little money. Yet where is the church of Christ should they not hold up those poor soldiers bleeding in the fields yet so often like a pompous Captain they ride by. I say shame on them, our purpose on life is indeed to preach the message and to be the message of Christ but not forgetting those around us. We should see that the devils attacks are a chance for Christians to stand behind another and help pick them up not leave them bleeding and dying. So many hurting people around us but how many hurting people around in are own lives. What are you going to choose to do. Just let them bleed or actually be a light or a hope.

Love or not love?

In life we all face listening to what others tell us about another person many times we end up believing it or at least pondering it over and over in our minds. In a divorce or family feud you will often find hurting people unwilling to let go off their hurt, some hold onto it to death. It is easy to fall into the trap of not loving a person once you have been hurt and hurt again. Some say that to live and love is better than living and never have loved, I believe this is true. Through the many trials of my family and my divorce I have found that I still care and indeed love the people that I feel have often hurt me. I find it annoying at times and wished I could be like others who just end up hating their spouse that they divorced or the parent that was horrible to them. Yet through it all and even when times have come and gone and I have complained how I was treated there is this sense of caring and wanting the very best for another person. Some may say it is insanity I say it is better to Love and still love than become bitter and old and lonely. It is my reality that deep down I still want the best for those around me. Life is not easy and I realize the older I get that truly divorce is actually the hardest road anyone will ever walk down. It destroys the very root of what God intended it kills families and the whispers of the devil creep in and destroy the very thing that God had created to be this unit we call family. It is a miracle when families stay together and stay fighting for the core of what Christ intended. As my ex travels to CA for a job I find myself my heart going there too, I never realized how much I cared how much I actually wanted the best for him. It is a true statement children young and old need both parents not one more than the other but both and it is often easy not to see that when you feel that you are the hurt one. When I sat hearing my Mum not wanting to see me on Mothers Day a part of me wanted to just sit on her lap four years old her holding me tight. Yet in it all I say it is better to have loved than not at all. So don't listen to the lies and don't stop loving and don't stop believing because no one wants to die alone and everyone truly needs to be loved

The Magic Wand of life.

I so often wished I had a magic wand. I hate seeing people hurt, people getting upset, people not been treated fairly and people lying. There are probably some more, but these are on the top of the list. As my girls dad sadly and I say sadly leaves to his job in C.A I wished I had a magic wand to make everything different. In England I wanted a magic wand to allow us to stay and for all of us some how someway to be a family. My mum is another I love her with all my heart but she does not always view it like that and I wished I could have a magic wand to allow her to see how much I care, for her to own her house. It is a sad fact that the people who often try the hardest rarely get noticed. I know many people who have struggled and done amazing things with little praise and struggled financially yet loved the unlovable reached out to the lonely and made amazing differences in the people around them. My magic wand may only live in my heart but I so believe that God see's that and He see's all the work of those people and one day He will indeed make the tables of life equal. I don't have the answers to life but I sure have hope and a heart that sure wants to see so many people's lives changed for good. So with your magic wand change your world even if it is just in your heart because if you change heart to love even the unlovable you have started to change the world.

It's not what you don' t have that made you... You...

I have wanted many things in my life, some legit like wanting to go home to England others as a child silly things like asking Father Christmas for a window. In truth though the window was probably a household joke as I broke one as a child. I still laugh about it today my long list to Father Christmas. In thinking of the many things I have wanted, it is not the things that I have wanted that have made me Me, rather it is often the things that I did not have that made me a better person. I don't think it is bad to want things I sure want a full time job,I want to move to England. I do think though that sometimes we forget what we have. A smile can brighten up a day for someone else. A hand to help someone cross the road. Helping someone in a store that cannot reach something. A Hug can cheer someone up. Saying I love you. Drying someone's tears. Brushing someone's hair. Making a meal for someone Calling and listening to someone These things we all have compassion, Love and friendship yet many of us choose to not use them. So in this time of my life when my world feels like it is falling apart.I am choosing to see what I have. Even in the bad there can be some good. When my brother died I learnt the greatest lesson that was to forgive and love. In my divorce I learnt that I had had some wonderful memories and times from my marriage. See even in what you think was bad there are some good. So go out and look deep and find someone to bless.

Me

My blog my amazing escape. I love writing I could do this all day or work in a charity shop and raise money for an organization I believe in or work some where in Wells Next the sea my bit of Heaven. You know those times in life when you feel that everything is caving in well this is my life at the moment. My family is facing major challenges and major changes. It is so sad that the time in England is swept away with the mess of what we face. At times I close my eyes and I just hold onto every moment of the time I had in Norfolk cherishing the times I had. It is like a tsunami coming I am running with all my might exhausted holding on to the fact that God has kept me going through everything in my life yet wanting the wonderful time I had in England to be reality not just a moment in my life. I always have felt I am very black and white honesty is everything to me but a lot of people I know that is not the case. I have always tried hard to not spend much and be careful and thankful with every penny, but sometimes I sure would like to go mad and just splurge. At times it is easy to wonder has all this trying hard added up to much. I feel like just crying and crying yet it is true I hold onto a cross believing that God surely will not forget me. A friend posted a song by Steven Curtis Chapman on my faceBook wall saying that it was my song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIfdDLXuuUg I claim it for all of you that are so holding out for a miracle and my prayer truly with all my heart is that the end will be amazing for you. I am no one special just a woman who has tried very hard against all odds and who so believes that honesty and God is everything and that one day God makes all things new and all things right. It is not a church that makes you, many are just large buildings with few if any caring people they forget the human factor of loving and caring for people a call a hug they are caught up in the politics. Yet in my world listening loving and caring for people you don't know is what God is all about. A church should be like a warm family full of love so if you don't have that then become that yourself and lets reach out to those people just like us who need a loving caring family. God surely I know held me as my heart raced at work today I held my hand on my chest as my chest had massive pains today and I so wanted to cry so I just prayed and said to God you have to help me through all this pain. So to all of you don't let go of God just if anything hold onto God alone because I tell you sometimes that is the only person you need. I am so believing for a better tomorrow for you and me.

Norfolk Federation Women's Institute

While I was in England I went into some lovely bookstores that were in some stately homes. While at Felbrigg Hall I found a wonderful book. Norfolk Countrywomen's Year since coming back to the United States I have so loved reading it. The memories of home flood through my mind and I am transported to a world I love and miss so much. Norfolk England is like no other. It is a world where time has in parts stood still. The Women's Institute really is the very foundation of what England is about raising money to help many amazing causes. It is a group of women who soldier together to make a difference in their communities not wanting the praise but wanting to touch and change lives. As a child I remember the many Women's Institutes' bake sales and the wonderful smells from the cakes. You can find out more about them by clicking on the links below: http://www.thewi.org.uk/become-a-member/structure-of-the-wi/england/norfolk/about-us You should take the time to look into them and if you are able to join them, you should become a part of their history. Making a difference, young and old can be a part and join forces to change and help their community. I really suggest you read the book I bought I love it. It will transport you to the England I love and one day hope to return to live. The stories are true and allows you to see a small part of the wonderful Norfolk that I love and grew up in. http://www.amazon.com/Norfolk-Countrywomens-Year/dp/B001ID9D8S Enjoy.

American Airlines lessons to be learnt from them

Greed can take over all of us and I have seen it from kids fighting over a toy to trying to get up the cooperate ladder. American Airlines and US Airways, the mega company: once a company that perhaps cared about their passengers and now many people who work for them have perhaps lost what customer service is about. When flying home to England in March 2015, the first time in eight years, after raising money through yard sales and countless people donating to our yard sales, I found that the airline I had flown on eight years ago was not the same. I asked many customers who were flying with me and since have researched that many people feel that the customer service is no more. More that passengers have to put up with it because they do not want to do a connecting flight. Over six hours of Curt staff is enough to make anyone kiss the ground at London and sit for a moment and reflect that perhaps it was all a horrible nightmare. Why are there rules of the age limit of watching PG13 movies in theaters if the airlines allow themselves to not abide by them and play them while children under that age merrily watch them on the plane as their parents fall asleep. I asked this very question only to be laughed at and told that "Surely you do not expect us to play just G-rated movies?" I wish to God they had played movies that brought laughter. With turbulence the whole way and movies that needed only to go into the bin, my flying experience was awful. Customer service has gone. On my arrival back, I talked to a supervisor that informed me that "The job of the stewards is safety, not like years ago when they can talk to you." Yet as normal human beings, shouldn't we care about people? Has the dollar sign or whatever currency taken over our lives so much that we forget to treat others with respect? I remember years ago flying with British Airways and Virgin Atlantic: I was treated like I was Royalty. Indeed they truly knew how to make sure that customers came back. A smile does not cost. But in this world we live in, have we forgotten what it is like to be polite to care? It is in moments like these that we can learn that bigger is not always better and that taking the time might not make you a millionaire but it might gain something to your life that money cannot buy like knowledge, compassion, and to learn about another person: what price can be put on that! So although many of us out there do not appreciate how we are treated by the new mega US Airways/American Airlines, we can learn that we do not have to be like them rather we can value people and care about others around us.

Lisa K Butler on Amazon KDP

I love writing, it must be in my genes so to speak and for several years I have put my books on Amazon KDP. You do not need a Kindle to download them, just a computer and then google how to download the Kindle app for free. Over the past probably ten years I have come up with stories for my children. Many I have recorded and kept for the future either in the hopes of being published or as wonderful memories. I even inspired my younger daughter to write a book and her sister to do the pictures. We might not be in print at this moment in a bookstore. In this house we dream big and just keep dreaming. On April 16th-April 18th Lisa K Butler's books a few of them will be free for you to download including a sneak peak at Behind the Closet Doors it is not a scary book at all, not about what we think as a child of what lurks in the closet, indeed it as about three generations and how they are trying to escape their own closet doors of life. Certainly a good read. Other books that you can read are "And God Gave Katie Tomatoes," a book of inspiration to any child who may want to garden. "The Cockroach and the Spider" is a book to make you see both insects in a different light that may inspire children and adults alike, to see what God has created has some good. There are many more for you to enjoy. So take your time read and write a review. I know you will not regret it. http://www.amazon.com/Lisa-K.-Butler/e/B00DXOCI3M

Crossroads of life.

I loved going home to England in March loved most of the time I spent in my amazing home. Seeing places that I had seen as a child that had not changed. I found myself more and more wanting to go back. I sat at the airport crying not wanting to board the American Airlines plane which had brought us there. Half dreading the flight as the flight over was horrific with rude staff and turbulence all of the way yes all six plus hours.To be honest when I got of the plane I sat thanking God that we had landed and prayed to God that I did not have to deal with horrible attendants again. As I sat at the airport in London heart broken I realized somethings I was not the same woman as I was who boarded that plane a few weeks ago. Indeed I had found a part of me. Although at times on the trip I felt like there was sabotage to ruin my time in England and our dear little dog got very ill, after four plus years of raising the money I was not going to be defeated. No I realized I loved England even more loved the smallness of the villages, loved walking along the beaches loved the charity shops and not paying full price loved being around people that loved me. Perhaps in truth I found a part of me again. I was in tears for four days on my return not knowing when I would go home again. My ex lost his job and our little dog went to Heaven. It is these times that I recall more and more the wonderful hope I found in England it is like a crossroads and a deer crossing that road with the car lights glaring at it's eyes will the deer run and be hit or take a chance to live and walk slowly across the road. I choose to take a chance to live. It is in the times as a friend said those times when you are talking about something and your heart and soul and your face beam that you know that you are on the right path. The picture by Impactbydapperchap clearly depicts the crossroad we all so often face.

http://www.impactbydapperchap.smugmug.com

Photographs can captivate us and bring us into a world that allows us to be ourselves. I am over three thousand plus miles from England. I miss the wonderful serenity of the villages the peace that is found on walking along the beach. The family and friends that hold me dear in their hearts and captivate me to believe that I can do anything. Impact by Dapper Chap is an amazing photographer who captures the wonderful world that I call home. His pictures show us that there is more to life, that there indeed is beauty to be found all around us. That if we look closely we can see the amazing beauty in this wonderful world. A snowdrop lifting its head to welcome spring,a sheet of ice can be transformed into a piece of art, an old side road covered in snow can lead us on an enchanting adventure. All are very real, all exist, and all can be a part of your life. Impact by Dapper Chap is run by three generations. Their story would captivate your heart and is indeed inspiring to all who dare to believe. Please join me and help Impact by Dapper Chap get off the ground. The amazing photographs can be found on: https://www.facebook.com/ImpactByDapperChap http://wwww.impactbydapperchap.smugmug.com/ ImpactByDapperChap@hotmail.com impactbydapperchap@gmail.com All can be purchased. These are a small part of my wonderful England and I so encourage you to think where you could put these wonderful photographs in your home,office or beach house maybe you own a business. These photographs capture life in a way many of us just dream of but this is not a dream, these places exist and can be brought into your home.

Free indeed.

A friend of mine said something very life changing to me." It is the things that when we talk about them that brings a smile to our face and makes our eyes light up that we should pursue" Those things that when they come to your mind life stops and for a moment you are transported to another place. I never viewed that the things that made me smile could indeed be the very passage to change my life. Perhaps it is the impossible things that God says not impossible but possible. My trip home to England was sure impossible in so many ways it was as if every twist and turn there was something going wrong. If I look back it was a time to think for myself years ago I thought of going beyond my fears and reaching out to people who I needed to just say sorry to but others told me not to. This trip allowed me to think for myself.It is amazing the freedom and empowerment it is when you face your fears. It is embracing when a person cares enough about you that your fears to them do not matter that they just love you for you. A hand held by someone is often so not genuine but when someone holds your hand because they truly love you it is indeed a heart changing moment. It is so true the smile on my face when I think of my trip home says it all I found me and I want to be that person. Away from the hectic life of America and back to a person I found. We all should think what makes the smile come across our face what makes you feel you can climb a mountain and indeed what can you do to make your dream come true. Don't let any words hold you back I did for 22 years and I am beyond thankful that after all those years I got to be Free as the Bible says "who Christ has set free he is free indeed."

Defining moments.

Many of us in life through events and circumstances allow others to dictate our emotions and decisions. It's not that we mean to it is just that we have lost who we are in the often mess of life. This past month I had the chance to embrace who I am. Finding out what I loved, what made me Me and finding out what I cherished. To be honest and truthful I ended up facing fear, preconceived ideas and loneliness. In facing all of those I found the values that mattered to me. Money comes and goes and I often wonder how I have made it. But to walk along a beach to walk down a country lane to laugh and be loved what price can you put on that! To have a person hold you and say you are not alone after years of feeling empty and like everything you did was being criticized no price can be put on that. The moment you feel in your heart that life has a purpose and you want that and that some how like climbing up a mountain the last part is the hardest but with all you have you do it you make it to the top and realize that you were only climbing a mound and that indeed God has amazing things in store for you. It is those defining moments that being a single mum and people pointing out things that are obvious like how can you keep your house, or how are you going to pay for things that you realize that every day we live by grace, by faith by placing one foot in front of the other. Sometimes life makes no sense, In truth Christ made no sense to many but it was a heart that was willing to have faith to believe. It is those moments when you embrace that Faith and hold onto it with all you have that you realize that all matters is what God places in your heart and nothing else.

Surreal.

Surreal,that time that I feel right now. I have done yard sale after yard sale to raise money to go home, skrimped and saved. My children and I getting up making no money and others some. I have not been back to England for eight years, in that time my sister in law died and my brother as well, I got divorced and I started college. I have lost me and found me in a matter of time. I have seen my children grow up and time fall like sand fall through my hands. I have heard how others have gone home and seen and heard their stories. I am not suppose to be sad or mad but at times I have been. I have not seen my mum for eight years and some friends for over twenty. Yet next week I get on a plane and time starts ticking. I want to stop time I want to let everything go into slow motion I want to bottle every moment in my mind. I don't want it to slip through my hands and for me to be once again over 3000 miles from all of them and feeling at times so alone. I don't want to look at time and not know when I am going home again. I want to hold on tight to have someone love me and care about me and for my surreal moment in time to be forever and never end. It is I am not thankful, it's I am scared of not having this time again and not been able to make it by myself. The worries of money of roofs and not feeling the hug that love from some of the most wonderful people in my life that live so far away. Some would not understand, I say walk a mile in my shoes. So God please hold me tight and allow these moments to last not just a moment in time.

The Hand we are dealt.

Ever heard the saying don't judge others? It is a saying many of us have heard but so easy not to do. Many people have lost their jobs and if you read articles on the internet and in newspapers there are many more to be be lost this year. Many people have had medical issues and with the rising cost of insurance it is understandable that some may have not been able to keep up with the amounting cost of medical bills. Some may have thought that they would be married a lifetime sadly to end up divorced. Some have lost their loved ones. With all these situations the cards that were dealt to us have now been changed. Yet to many of us we stand and cast our opinions and our judgement and our solutions. In the Bible it talks about casting the first stone if you are without sin. I myself have many flaws. My advice is simple find a few good friends that will stand beside you and you can be accountable to that will love you, guide and listen to you through life being honest and allowing you to never lose who you are. Because even through all of lives different trials and different cards that have been handed to you I tell you two simple truths God always loves you and God will never let you go.

Just A....

A job title allows us the chance to say I am....you fill in the blanks, however so many of us say we are just...as if our job does not have any worth. I know of a cashier and a person who bags and cleans a store that to the world's eyes are just...in jobs of not much worth and of two young people who are just babysitters but are they? Let's look at the cashier, she entered the position after years of being a stay at home mother, no one would hire her other than a grocery store. Frightened by the thought of facing a world she did not know she put one foot in front of the other knowing that as a single mother she needed the money to survive. No degree, no experience just a drive to make sure food was on the table. As time went on things changed relationships with customers were made, old people and children gathered at her line as she joked smiled, sang Birthday songs and even prayed with them. Others came to her line looking down and the weight of the world on their shoulders a hand reached out in a time of need a prayer said and a simple caring smile made their day a little lighter and her life a little sweeter. Although no one saw it on management level her words were simple I pray with those people because I am answerable to God and God alone. To many just a cashier but to God oh so much more. A man bagging groceries sweeping the floors, to some just a person in a grocery store, but I say no. This man sings with a heart for God, continues to smile when his world is falling apart, when he has not much money, in rain and shine he carries out people's groceries not complaining but just thankful for his job. Thankful to share Christ with others. Management never see how much this man gives and no raise is given. But I say in God's eyes he serves a great God who sees his tears and hears his voice none are in vain. Two young people just babysitters to many watching kids and picking up toys. To many just a babysitter, until you see the smiles on those children's faces and you hear how thankful they are that these two young people care about them. Just a babysitter...no not just a babysitter two young people making up school work in the week and making sure that God gets all the praise. These are just four people what is your Just A story....I can tell you many. When you go out just look around none of us are Just A, we all wonderfully made into God's image and we are all and everything in Him. Don't believe the lies and don't let anyone tell you that you are Just A...because this is what you are A child of the living God who loves and adores you and you are someone to Him.

Trust

That small word that makes us think about who we are and who we are willing to allow into our lives. Trust can mean many things you trust someone with a secret, you have a trust fund set up for your kids, you trust someone to do something for you, but what happens when that little word is pushed to the limit and that word trust is just letters on your floor or fragments in your heart broken. Many say that honesty and trust run hand in hand many have persusive words to sweet talk but honesty is if you haven't built trust in a person then perhaps there is no honesty. Trust is accepting a person faults and all and loving those quirky things. I know of a situation when someone died and the trust fund that they left for their kids the rules behind were not carried through. That person may not be here but trust and honesty was not kept. When a person gets divorced trust is broken.No would ever think of comparing divorce with Christ's betrayal but in truth there are a lot of similarities in the fact the moment Judas betrayed trust was brooken and then his sweet talk Jesus saw through it all. In the same way in divorce those words of promise now mean nothing. I say Trust is a thing you can take tiny steps it might be like I did this week I started writing again. I trusted myself that it was alright to be hurt by someone's comment but now I was going to trust that I loved writing. I tell you that don't let one moment of mistrust destroy the person you can be.....You are worth so much more than that. When I look at Christ I see that He knew all what Judas was going to do but He trusted God that He had a big plan.. His plan is that in taking tiny steps you can not only Trust Him but you can live a life where your past does not run your future.. You are amazing I trust that you are going to do great things because...Trust means that every day we have the chance to make a new page and Trust that the pages can be beautiful, amazing and awesome...