I am so missing home and so not applying for job after job and hearing rejection after rejection. So to encourage me and you. I am posting Tatty Teddies. To encourage us 
So today is my brothers Birthday the first year without him here. I let one balloon go when I went to work and when I got home the girls and I and a close family let go of fourty eight balloons totalling fourty nine balloons. They all seemed so big in the car but oh so small in the sky. My daughters said that the balloons quickly disappeared as God gathered them up. They added perhaps one balloon went to a little girl. I hope so Scott had always wanted a little girl. 
Selena Gomez has a brilliant song out at the moment a young artist who's words surely capture young and old with this new song "Who says". Tonight when I was a child I would of said to my brother "Good night fourty-eight year old" our family thing every eve of the night before you turned a certain age we would say good night for the last time to that age. So as I think back to my brothers life and mine and all it's imperfections, I say "Who says you are not perfect, who says your not worth it, who says your the only one who is hurting, trust me that's the price of beauty, who says your not beautiful, who says". These simple words from a song. Yet Christ was all for us. My brother was an imperfect human but in God's eyes he became perfect and he was worth it. You are too remember that no one has that right to say otherwise. Good Night fourty- eight year old, good night Scott. Please have a cup of tea with me today.
Today I went and got a balloon and let it go, I said to the skies "this is for you Scott". I told my younger daughter this she replied "maybe God got it and gave it to someone who's Birthday it was", I wanted to reply "no it's Scott's" but her heart was so genuine and in truth if God wanted to do that then who was I to say anything. My other daughter committed how she had read what is the point of staying up all night worrying because God is all up night anyway. When my brother died my exhusband said "his no longer a lost boy". All these comments dear and sweet, but how often we forget the good comments and focus on the bad. Today weather you are letting go of a balloon or letting go of a hurt think of all those cherished words that have helped you along the way. Some may be very simple. Like the other day I was in a place I did not know hardly anyone and felt very alone, this one person who knew me came up to me and simply said "Your Lisa right" they did not have to say a word to me, I did not feel such a stranger then. Hold onto those dear sweet moments it will sure help you through the tough times. Please have a cup of tea with me today.
After eighteen plus years I went to see a movie by myself in a church setting. I felt very awkward no children and who was I now. I even asked if this was normal to feel this way. Thank goodness was. I left early thinking I had made at least one step out of this closed life. It is a healing process to move on and a healing I think that only those who have gone through it can help you with or truly understand. I found myself wanting to hide not at all be in the spot light with my British accent infact it was the last thing I wanted. I have so many people ask me where I am from, I almost get fade up with it. I loved the saying in this movie "It's not weather they think we've won it's weather we think we've won" and " you never know how far you have run until you run". How true those sayings are.
When I lived on the North Norfolk coast the biggest issue that area faced was crumbling cliffs. Churches had even been lost through the erosion of time. Little did I know as a child my life would at times resemble those crumbling cliffs. Sometimes life just happens and it takes everything that is in us to turn our focus back on God and stop any more erosion. In fact those crumbling cliffs often in time stand as memorials of time of how we made it through a very difficult trial.
Today was very humid and yes that dreaded thick pea soup pollen is coming I saw some on my car. I absolutely hate it. I only ever used pea soup to refer to the rolling fog of the North Norfolk sea and it was so thick you could hardly see through it. My we must of been hardy children. To have survived how cold it got there.
Home, home is a place where some can put their head on a pillow and feel that they belong. Home is a place to others and stands for the country that they are from or a fond place that they lived in. Home for some is where their originally family is or Home is a Heavenly place.
Yesterday, I had an allergic reaction to the skin of a tangerine. In the morning, I found out that I had a cut on my finger and it had swelled up because of the oils and chemicals on the tangerine's skin had gotten into my cut. This little cut made my hand become red and other fingers to become puffy. This is like when we leave room for sin to come into our lives. We shut the door mostly but don't want to get rid of everything. So the sin comes slithering into our lives more and more until it has 'infected' us. In life, we need to stop the infectios sin by being open to God in everything we do and asking others to keep us accountable. Little by little, the puffiness will calm down and God will help you to over come it. Just like I had to put cream on my finger and have medicine, the change can only happen if we are willing to take that change and ask Him for His help.
In one day a world can change. Just like Japan was hit so terribly by devastation, and hurricane Katrina that changed peoples lives forever. So it is with somethings in life they sneak up upon us we think that the trouble will go away divorce, separation, depression, losing a job or a home or a loved one. All moments that change us forever good or bad that second in time changed us and it is how we muddle through it that will determine the outcome of the rest of our lives. I see people begging on street corners and I once wrote on my blog how we are seconds from that it is so true. One thing that has surely helped me is my faith and knowing that even through it all I do know God cares for me. It makes me cry seeing people going through so much pain yet I see the real devastation in the people who stay bitter and then pass that bitterness onto generation upon generation that is worse than any other destruction to me. The fact that they did not seek help and held onto that hurt lead them to destroy others.
What is the point of wearing a ring. Soon after I was separated I stopped wearing my ring, I use to find it to hard to be honest, I use to find that seeing this ring made me have hope that was not coming back and it was just to much. However as I look back and remember a sermon from Hope community church in Raleigh of how a ring is made of metal that cannot be broken I am reminded that even through my pain I wished I had kept that ring on. It is not that it would of changed anything but it would of been the right thing to do. It is like pink ribbons every time I see them I reminded of the fight for cancer patients and my sister inlaws fight. Things change us and things need to not be so easily broken. Christ did not stop caring for us and some may think it is silly to wear a cross, but if that helps a person to be reminded of how much Christ gave for us then I see nothing wrong with it. That ring I lost once my heart was broken and fratically tried to find it. I am sure God feels the same when we turn from Him we take off our ring, so to speak, no cares no obligation to a man who gave everything.
I never celebrated St. Patricks day as a child, but when I came to America I found it a fun thing to do a part of my heritage a part of who I am. I am originally from Kilkenny Ireland. My mum talks how they had St. Patricks day party's at her home in Kent and as I sit here I think how the Irish truly have come a long way. They took poverty and fought and were proud to be who they were. I would love to go there one day to see those green green hills, oh so cool. So as I type today take a moment to not be green with envy but to think where you are from how blessed you have been to be where you are today. You might not feel blessed but your ancestors surely some have done amazing things. Just like my friend in this picture don't forget to where the green othewise you will get pinched.
Have you ever noticed how when people are stubborn, they always want their own way, but at the end, they get the complete opposite? This past weekend I watched Gnomeo and Juliet. One of the characters was quite stubborn and bitter. He wanted to do everything that would benefit him and hurt someone else. To him, this created power and confidence in himself. But the one that he hurt was scard for life without a hat as the bitter gnome had cut off his hat. Bitterness not only hurts others but it actually hurts the one who is doing it, the most. In the movie, the bitter gnome was so prideful that he would win a race that he ran his lawn mower into a brick wall, and since he was a gnome, he broke. Just like this movie, in life, we hurt ourselves so much by keeping hold of bitterness instead of just letting it go and forgiving someone. In might not be easy, but in the long run, we will come out better and not broken.
In wake of the devastation in Japan I am reminded how we need to stand together. My friend has a friend in Japan and does not know how that friend is. It is little things, like a word of hope, helping her find search engines. It is simple things that count. In a moment Japan changed forever, but how little we forget as the devastation hit Japan how life hits us at times. From unexpected deaths to divorce to sickness life is not always a walk in the park. It is through a hug a prayer, a kind word that life is changed and healing takes place. My God is a big God but He expects us all to do our part.
It is amazing how hard it is to be ourselves. Maybe you find this easy, but I have not found many people who have. We all want to be someone or match up to someone's image. The older I have got I have realized that being me and seeing the good in me is not so bad. I love drawing, I love writing England, Maine and I would love to travel, countryside and cakes and sweets, little dogs most of them, ducks and chicken, My children and fresh cut grass in England, rain and the sea shore in Norfolk, Christmas and hugs and smiles. This is who I am. I am a woman who wants to see water pumped into countries who have nothing, to see women bind together and help each other through trials and in all that it is ok to be ME.
As we watch the many sad stories on the television it is a moment to think of others and how fortunate we are. When the last Tsunami hit my brother and his family were in the Seychelles we did not know for days if they were alright. The relief in my heart when I heard that they were well. Some people were not so fortunate. So as I sit here wondering when a full time job will come my way I sit for a moment thankful that I have been blessed to write this blog, to breath fresh air and to smell the dew in the morning. In even the little things we can be thankful. It is in seeing how fortunate we are that we should take even the smallest of steps to reach out to others.
Well we had a rain storm system come through today. I never really had bad headaches in England but when the weather goes haywire here in the States, I end up with massive headaches and my eyes kill me. So today has been one of those days. In truth though it has made me stop I rarely ever stop and just take time for me. I mean come on how many single mum's do that. So today I had no choice my body simply would not allow me to do anything else.
Words come cheap was something my mother always said when I was a child I can hear it chimming through my ears as I type now. Or as someone else use to say to me your silence says everything. Both are partially true. But words have power I mean when Christ said "God forgive them" God simply has. Then Billy Graham the many words said from his pulpits or the many lives touched by nurses and doctors there is power in words and power in a kind justure. In this world where materlism is so high we forget that. We take no time to hug a child, no time to help a person across the road, no time to listen to hurting souls. But words have power as one counselor said, once words are out in the world they can never be taken back and some haunt people for the rest of their lives. I remember my dad saying that I would be at school forever, my godmother saying how if I did not draw every day then I was not a good artist. But then I remember the many cheer leaders who have said Lisa you are doing your best. It is a kind word that may heal a broken heart, a kind word of hope that could stop someone taking their life a kind word could change a persons direction forever.
When I first came to America I wanted a huge big house and the neighborhood that has a pool and lets not forget all the right connections, or so I thought. Yet today as I sat in an interview been asked where I wanted to be in five years I found myself changed, yes I want financial security but where I want to be in five years is now very different than five years all those years ago. My brothers death and my divorce has changed me. I want to see water piped into places which do not have it, I want to see children feel water running down their hands instead of muddy dirty water, I want to see women unit and be changed and empower each other. That is why I started a group to help women empower each other.
Changing the world does not take magic wands nor fairy dust, although I truly wished it did. It takes people, normal people dreaming Big dreams and then they keep on trying and keep on trying until they reach one person and then maybe others. Martin Luther King, Billy Graham and Spurgeon all were mere men yet they got out of the boat and kept on trying. It is not how many times we succed but in how many times we try against all odds, until one person is touched and then another and that is what changes a world.
I Have never been a cheer leader nor truly cared to be, I think it is amazing how the young make up routines, however all that the make up I am not too keen on, nor the clicks of it all. Never the less that been put aside what is a cheer leader? I always have boasted that I have had a few cheerleader along my way. These people mean nothing perhaps to some people, but to me they have helped me to believe more than I felt I could alone. These are the God's squad of cheer leaders.
The other day I bought a trinket box that read "Love is the little things" it sure made me smile. I love the most silly little things maybe to others from daisies to four leaf clovers to lady birds. All mean nothing to anyone but to me they make me smile. I use to think hugs were silly how unBritish but the older I have got the more I understand those simple little hugs are everything. Like the widows mite who gave so little it is true the little things do count.
I have a mat that reads "Everything comes out in the wash" I loved the mat the minute I saw it. The saying I have heard all my life. However that is not always true. The wash sure takes along time to come out sometimes. Some secrets people take to the grave. I watched a program where Kim Cattrall went back to her roots in Liverpool England in the search to find answers about her grandfather. It took his grand daughter to find the answers. But some never find the answers and the wash stays dirty.Sometimes it just is not as quick as a simple wash, some of the wash goes in dirty and comes out even worse.